I kind of forgot to make a post last night wishing the girls a good new school year so I'm a day late but it's okay..
Dear Anna,
Congratulations on having such a great first day in Second Grade. You did fantastic ! I'm so proud of the awesome day that you had. I wish we'd had more time to chat tonight about your day but it sounds like you had a great one. I know that Mr O and Mr Allwood will take great care of you this year and help you grow into the best person that you can be. Sorry about your shoes not fitting this morning.. those feet of yours just love to grow in between when we buy them and when you wear them. Next year remind me to get you the next size up just in case and to save the receipt.
I love you and know that you are going to be a Super Second grader this year.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Lily,
You rocked it baby girl ! Second Grade is great and the new teacher seems to be really nice. I know that you were feeling shy this morning when we met Miss Crowther but you did great at warming up to her quickly. I am so confident in you already. Also, how exciting to have Kelsey in your class this year since you haven't had her with you before. I can't wait to hear more about your days in 2C and all the things that you are learning. Don't forget that if needed, Miss Smith and Mrs Lehto are just down the hall and will help you when they can.
I love you so much as does Daddy (even though he's not here and that makes you sad sometimes).
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Halloween Fun 2014
We had such a great Halloween this year. I got to dress up for work as Dorothy and someone that I'm kind of sweet on told me that I looked great as Dorothy and tried to photobomb a picture of me that a co-worker was taking of me. Later on this person dressed up as a Gorilla and at first scared me but I eventually got used to it ( I have issues at Halloween when it comes to masks and Gorillas) and when I eventually went and got my kids so that they could do some Trick or Treating at my office, he was kind enough to let the girls see that there was a person under the mask and touch the various parts of the costume.
Later on we did some Trick or Treating in my old neighborhood from when I was growing up and it was so great to see some old friends that I don't get to see very often anymore and I gave the girls some leeway while going house to house. As long as they went to houses with a light on and stayed where I could easily see them, I had no problem with them acting like ping pong balls and running from house to house and joining various groups of kids as they gathered treats.
They made out like little bandits on the candy front and for the first time ever I weighed the haul and they did rather well with a total of about 11 pounds of candy. We should have enough to last us a small while now. I need to get rid of the stuff that I know we won't eat at all. Unless I can pawn some of it on unsuspecting friends and family.
The school Halloween Parade was totally awesome and great and I loved seeing all the kids in their costumes and the teachers in their grade level themed costumes. The First Grade Teachers were Super Heroes and so funny. Kindergarten teachers were a Very Hungry Caterpillar, Second Grade was characters from Strega Nona, Third Grade were Lincoln Cares Paws (stickers that the kids earn for various reasons that spell out the word Cares), Fourth grade teachers were Nerds and the Fifth Grade teachers were Minions from Despicable Me. The Front Staff were members of a Circus with the Principal as the RingMaster / Master of Ceremonies.
Later on we did some Trick or Treating in my old neighborhood from when I was growing up and it was so great to see some old friends that I don't get to see very often anymore and I gave the girls some leeway while going house to house. As long as they went to houses with a light on and stayed where I could easily see them, I had no problem with them acting like ping pong balls and running from house to house and joining various groups of kids as they gathered treats.
They made out like little bandits on the candy front and for the first time ever I weighed the haul and they did rather well with a total of about 11 pounds of candy. We should have enough to last us a small while now. I need to get rid of the stuff that I know we won't eat at all. Unless I can pawn some of it on unsuspecting friends and family.
The school Halloween Parade was totally awesome and great and I loved seeing all the kids in their costumes and the teachers in their grade level themed costumes. The First Grade Teachers were Super Heroes and so funny. Kindergarten teachers were a Very Hungry Caterpillar, Second Grade was characters from Strega Nona, Third Grade were Lincoln Cares Paws (stickers that the kids earn for various reasons that spell out the word Cares), Fourth grade teachers were Nerds and the Fifth Grade teachers were Minions from Despicable Me. The Front Staff were members of a Circus with the Principal as the RingMaster / Master of Ceremonies.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Minor Rambling about a Minor yet Major event
I happened to be in the elevator at work the other day and was chatting with someone about something and I think I mentioned the kids and then mentioned that I'd lost my husband 3 years ago and then paused and changed that to 3.5 years ago. Holy cannoli's (small people here are slowly learning to read and I must be better about my typing out bad words) how did that happen? How has it been 3.5 years? Sometimes it feels much much longer and other times it feels like I basically just lost Lee (time wise not emotion). When he first passed I marked every month... it's been a month, it's been 3 months. Oh wow 6 months. Now I barely notice that the 11th of the month is here again. Heck today is the 25th and I missed it by 2 weeks. Oh well.
So I have been growing and getting past a lot of my emotional baggage when it comes to Lee but at the same time I'm still sensitive when I tell people my reality and I think I frustrate and bewilder them when I laugh off their condolences now. People it's been 3.5 years that is 42 months. Am I supposed to be in mourning forever? I'm older, wiser, stronger and able to move on better now. I've got better stuff to do than to muddle my mind with grief when there is so much living to do. Lee wouldn't want me to be a puddle of grief for the rest of my days and it would be very sad commentary on my life if I let myself do that.
So I have been growing and getting past a lot of my emotional baggage when it comes to Lee but at the same time I'm still sensitive when I tell people my reality and I think I frustrate and bewilder them when I laugh off their condolences now. People it's been 3.5 years that is 42 months. Am I supposed to be in mourning forever? I'm older, wiser, stronger and able to move on better now. I've got better stuff to do than to muddle my mind with grief when there is so much living to do. Lee wouldn't want me to be a puddle of grief for the rest of my days and it would be very sad commentary on my life if I let myself do that.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Sing Me Home
So I bought and just started a new book. It's entitled Sing Me Home and it came out 3 years ago and I was told that it's a great book and I should read it. I kept forgetting about it and it was in Hardcover then and I try not to buy hardcovers since they can be $$$.
So fast forward to the other day and I was at Target looking for a birthday present for a school friend and decided I needed a new book.. so I grabbed it (in paperback less $). I'm barely one or two chapters in and I can tell that it's going to 1) take a while to read and 2) going to be a book that stays with me.
I'm glad that I'm reading it now and not 3 years ago.. I couldn't have handled it then. Heck I might not now either but I'm going to try.
It's about a music therapist and she's PG and loses the baby and ... i'm only 2 chapters in if that and I have no clue where it's going yet but I have an idea via the summary on the back. I think it will be good but there might be lots of wine with this one or music since it's hitting me on so many levels already.
In other news there's been so much happening here.
First grade is going great and I'm finding a balance between 2 classrooms and working and sending the girls to after school 2 days and having Grandma with them 3 days.
I've been doing great at my new position so far. Still not trained yet but that will happen. Working has turned out to have some extra benefits for me which I am liking so far and attempting to explore yet be careful about how I go about things. If there is news I'll share it but will keep things low for now since that is easier.
Lily has very recently lost her two front teeth. She looks adorable and I'm eagerly awaiting Anna to lose her teeth also.
Not sure what else to say or report so I guess I'll end here for now..
So fast forward to the other day and I was at Target looking for a birthday present for a school friend and decided I needed a new book.. so I grabbed it (in paperback less $). I'm barely one or two chapters in and I can tell that it's going to 1) take a while to read and 2) going to be a book that stays with me.
I'm glad that I'm reading it now and not 3 years ago.. I couldn't have handled it then. Heck I might not now either but I'm going to try.
It's about a music therapist and she's PG and loses the baby and ... i'm only 2 chapters in if that and I have no clue where it's going yet but I have an idea via the summary on the back. I think it will be good but there might be lots of wine with this one or music since it's hitting me on so many levels already.
In other news there's been so much happening here.
First grade is going great and I'm finding a balance between 2 classrooms and working and sending the girls to after school 2 days and having Grandma with them 3 days.
I've been doing great at my new position so far. Still not trained yet but that will happen. Working has turned out to have some extra benefits for me which I am liking so far and attempting to explore yet be careful about how I go about things. If there is news I'll share it but will keep things low for now since that is easier.
Lily has very recently lost her two front teeth. She looks adorable and I'm eagerly awaiting Anna to lose her teeth also.
Not sure what else to say or report so I guess I'll end here for now..
Monday, August 25, 2014
One last sleep
Argh... do you hear me screaming??? Do you???
I'm okay everyone.. just a Momma realizing that tonight is their last sleep at Kindergarten kids and in the morning they will morph into Big Kid First Graders. I should be ready.. I know what to expect.. we got through the whole going to Kindergarten thing last year with no battle scars. I should be okay with this. Why the heck am I not okay with this?
My babies are no longer my babies.. they are growing and starting to spread their wings and I feel a little lucky that tomorrow I actually get to somewhat follow them into the building though my destination is the Cafeteria which is where I will be waiting to greet the new Kindergarten parents and offer them a kind smile and some tissues along with a cup of coffee and some treats while they get to know their fellow Kindergarten parents before I go to work and get to sit and wonder about how their day is going and if they are behaving and hoping that I don't get a phone call on the first day (the record here is that I got a call on Day 2 of school last year). This year there are 2 classrooms to balance between and 2 teachers to get to know possibly very well. I have faith in them and their teachers.. we can do this.. we have done it before.
Quick little confession.. I hate doing this alone.. I hate that I have to do it alone.. First days are one of THOSE days for me.. I might need some hand holding tomorrow.. for now a quick couple of letters to the girls since I started doing it last year and I'm all about traditions and doing the same thing year after year.
Dear Anna,
You did it.. you made it to First Grade. I am sooo proud of you. I have faith that you will have a great year and will rock it like no one's business. Remember to listen to Miss Vergados and do what she asks you without having a fit or a tantrum. I'm looking forward to hearing about your first day and who is in your class this year. Remember that you will get to see Rosie and Amelia at lunch and recess and that they will probably miss you too. Use your words and be the great friend that I know you can be.
I love you.
Mommy
Dear Lily,
Guess what? You are a First Grader and yes I know that you are sad that you didn't get Mrs Lafferty for your teacher but I've heard awesome stuff about Miss Smith and know that you are with the best teacher we could ask for to be your teacher this year. I hope and know that you will have a great year as a First Grader. Keep being the awesome friend that you are and I'm looking forward to hearing about what you are learning this year and what you learned in just the first day. Just like Little Quack you can do anything once you decide to jump on in and make your SPLASH happen.
I love you bigger than the world..
Mommy
Okay folks indulge me one last letter...
Dear Lee,
Tomorrow is a big day. Our girls are becoming First Graders and I wish that you were here to see it happen in person. I'll have to settle for knowing that you will be there in spirit instead and in our hearts forever. We all miss you and think about you quite a bit. Not as much as when you first left us but know that you are missed the most on days like tomorrow that are First Days. Even though you aren't here you are still a big part of tomorrow. I wish that you could be there to hold my hand and tell me to calm down, that I have this, to breathe and to look at the girls and see that they are growing and thriving and doing so great because I am their mom and that they trust me to do the best I can for them and to protect them no matter what happens.
Thank you for making me the girls' mom and trusting that I would be able to do this alone and having the faith in me that you have always had in me to do this. If you didn't maybe you wouldn't have left us when and how you did. To quote a favorite book of yours and mine with a small bit of poetic license; I love you forever, I'll love you for always as long as I'm living my husband you'll be.
Cheryl
I'm okay everyone.. just a Momma realizing that tonight is their last sleep at Kindergarten kids and in the morning they will morph into Big Kid First Graders. I should be ready.. I know what to expect.. we got through the whole going to Kindergarten thing last year with no battle scars. I should be okay with this. Why the heck am I not okay with this?
My babies are no longer my babies.. they are growing and starting to spread their wings and I feel a little lucky that tomorrow I actually get to somewhat follow them into the building though my destination is the Cafeteria which is where I will be waiting to greet the new Kindergarten parents and offer them a kind smile and some tissues along with a cup of coffee and some treats while they get to know their fellow Kindergarten parents before I go to work and get to sit and wonder about how their day is going and if they are behaving and hoping that I don't get a phone call on the first day (the record here is that I got a call on Day 2 of school last year). This year there are 2 classrooms to balance between and 2 teachers to get to know possibly very well. I have faith in them and their teachers.. we can do this.. we have done it before.
Quick little confession.. I hate doing this alone.. I hate that I have to do it alone.. First days are one of THOSE days for me.. I might need some hand holding tomorrow.. for now a quick couple of letters to the girls since I started doing it last year and I'm all about traditions and doing the same thing year after year.
Dear Anna,
You did it.. you made it to First Grade. I am sooo proud of you. I have faith that you will have a great year and will rock it like no one's business. Remember to listen to Miss Vergados and do what she asks you without having a fit or a tantrum. I'm looking forward to hearing about your first day and who is in your class this year. Remember that you will get to see Rosie and Amelia at lunch and recess and that they will probably miss you too. Use your words and be the great friend that I know you can be.
I love you.
Mommy
Dear Lily,
Guess what? You are a First Grader and yes I know that you are sad that you didn't get Mrs Lafferty for your teacher but I've heard awesome stuff about Miss Smith and know that you are with the best teacher we could ask for to be your teacher this year. I hope and know that you will have a great year as a First Grader. Keep being the awesome friend that you are and I'm looking forward to hearing about what you are learning this year and what you learned in just the first day. Just like Little Quack you can do anything once you decide to jump on in and make your SPLASH happen.
I love you bigger than the world..
Mommy
Okay folks indulge me one last letter...
Dear Lee,
Tomorrow is a big day. Our girls are becoming First Graders and I wish that you were here to see it happen in person. I'll have to settle for knowing that you will be there in spirit instead and in our hearts forever. We all miss you and think about you quite a bit. Not as much as when you first left us but know that you are missed the most on days like tomorrow that are First Days. Even though you aren't here you are still a big part of tomorrow. I wish that you could be there to hold my hand and tell me to calm down, that I have this, to breathe and to look at the girls and see that they are growing and thriving and doing so great because I am their mom and that they trust me to do the best I can for them and to protect them no matter what happens.
Thank you for making me the girls' mom and trusting that I would be able to do this alone and having the faith in me that you have always had in me to do this. If you didn't maybe you wouldn't have left us when and how you did. To quote a favorite book of yours and mine with a small bit of poetic license; I love you forever, I'll love you for always as long as I'm living my husband you'll be.
Cheryl
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Confession time
I don't even know where to begin.... I met someone about 2 months ago on a dating site.. we seemed to click online and just couldn't make the connection to actually meet till I happened to score 2 tickets to see Michael Buble in Mid July. So I asked and this person was my date for the concert and damn it.. we clicked really well in person too. Oh how we clicked. Unfortunately I made a mistake and it has seemed to have cost me quite a bit when it comes to this relationship since he couldn't seem to basically get over what happened. Yet at the same time I can't seem to stop thinking about this person and damn it, I still want this person in my life and if I'm being honest with myself, I want him want him. Yup, Miss Somewhat Independent is basically falling hard yet again.
Today while in Rockport and playing on the beach I kept wondering to myself what it would have been like to bring this person with me today instead of my mom or my kids. Would my day have been better overall because that person was with me or would I have regretted sharing my hideaway from the world? My one spot where I feel untouchable and that I can go to when the world is about to basically explode in my face. Even as I wandered around my favorite shops in Bearskin Neck I kept imagining this person with me and wondering if he would fall in love with this little spot as much as I have over the years.
Rockport is and always will be my special place. I feel totally at home there and just being there can usually calm me down when I need a bit of respite from the world. If I hadn't just been there today I would totally jump into my car and go back tomorrow and bring him with me because I think he needs a little Rockport magic in his life too.
Since I seem to be typing a bit randomly tonight I'll confess that I am seeing so many similarities between this person and Lee. They both seem to be down on their luck, having a hard time in life and I'm not sure if I'm trying to rectify what happened with Lee but I feel drawn to this person and I want to help. Not with money because 1. I don't have it to give and 2. I highly doubt he'd let me do that anyway. I guess I want to help him basically feel better about himself and quietly nurture him back to having confidence in himself and his abilities again. I wish I had more information about what makes this guy tick and why he had such a reaction to what I said and when I said it. Maybe I remind him of someone else like he reminds me of Lee and it makes him feel similar to what I am feeling. Maybe I'm just overthinking this or maybe I do want to make up for what happened with Lee though Lee's problems were deeper and he was already too far gone by the time I was a major part of his life yet sometimes I wonder if I could have done more and possibly saved him from himself. I'll never know and maybe these thoughts are best saved for chatting with my therapist.
Today while in Rockport and playing on the beach I kept wondering to myself what it would have been like to bring this person with me today instead of my mom or my kids. Would my day have been better overall because that person was with me or would I have regretted sharing my hideaway from the world? My one spot where I feel untouchable and that I can go to when the world is about to basically explode in my face. Even as I wandered around my favorite shops in Bearskin Neck I kept imagining this person with me and wondering if he would fall in love with this little spot as much as I have over the years.
Rockport is and always will be my special place. I feel totally at home there and just being there can usually calm me down when I need a bit of respite from the world. If I hadn't just been there today I would totally jump into my car and go back tomorrow and bring him with me because I think he needs a little Rockport magic in his life too.
Since I seem to be typing a bit randomly tonight I'll confess that I am seeing so many similarities between this person and Lee. They both seem to be down on their luck, having a hard time in life and I'm not sure if I'm trying to rectify what happened with Lee but I feel drawn to this person and I want to help. Not with money because 1. I don't have it to give and 2. I highly doubt he'd let me do that anyway. I guess I want to help him basically feel better about himself and quietly nurture him back to having confidence in himself and his abilities again. I wish I had more information about what makes this guy tick and why he had such a reaction to what I said and when I said it. Maybe I remind him of someone else like he reminds me of Lee and it makes him feel similar to what I am feeling. Maybe I'm just overthinking this or maybe I do want to make up for what happened with Lee though Lee's problems were deeper and he was already too far gone by the time I was a major part of his life yet sometimes I wonder if I could have done more and possibly saved him from himself. I'll never know and maybe these thoughts are best saved for chatting with my therapist.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Seven days
Seven more days... that is my mantra... In seven more days the girls head back to school as First Graders. Unlike last year I know what to expect. I'm ready. Okay maybe I'm not exactly ready... I decided at the end of the Kindergarten year to basically split the girls for First Grade and I'm a little nervous about it still. They will be fine. I will be fine but I so reserve the right to be nervous about it. I've sent emails to the teachers and the interim principal telling them how our summer went and I also took the girls by the school for a quick visit with their new teachers (the rooms are connected by a door thankfully) on the 18th.
They both liked getting the chance to get a peek at the new rooms and to meet their teachers. Anna must have been on the "I must impress this teacher" kick since she found and asked if she could read a book while we were there. She read a total of 3 books while the teacher and I chatted one each from the three levels that they will be reading in First Grade (Red , Blue and Green). Red are the beginning of the year level books, Blue is Mid Year level and Green is End of the year level books. The teacher might have to find some new material for Anna though she told me that the ones she picked were the easiest of each level and they get harder the further back they go in the piles. To further impress me, Anna asked to take her Magic Rainbow book series with us today to Rockport and the girl read silently to herself in the car. Only 8 or 9 pages out of 65 pages but she is doing it. Lee would be so proud. Heck I was feeling pretty proud too.
I took this week off of work so I could spend it with my girls and so far it's been a great decision and one that I think I will attempt to do every school year at least through Fifth grade or they get to be too cool to hang out with me.
Our trip to Rockport today was fun but I didn't truly get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do mostly because my mom decided to tag along at the last moment and tried to ruin what should have been a truly awesome day for me. I'm not going into it because it isn't appropriate for here but I was so mad and upset in the moment and it took quite a bit of restraint to be the role model I needed to be and to not show my girls how truly upset I was about the stupid stuff that my mom said and did today. I guess turning Forty is going to totally mature me in ways that I never dreamed it would. Good thing I bought a pound of fudge...
They both liked getting the chance to get a peek at the new rooms and to meet their teachers. Anna must have been on the "I must impress this teacher" kick since she found and asked if she could read a book while we were there. She read a total of 3 books while the teacher and I chatted one each from the three levels that they will be reading in First Grade (Red , Blue and Green). Red are the beginning of the year level books, Blue is Mid Year level and Green is End of the year level books. The teacher might have to find some new material for Anna though she told me that the ones she picked were the easiest of each level and they get harder the further back they go in the piles. To further impress me, Anna asked to take her Magic Rainbow book series with us today to Rockport and the girl read silently to herself in the car. Only 8 or 9 pages out of 65 pages but she is doing it. Lee would be so proud. Heck I was feeling pretty proud too.
I took this week off of work so I could spend it with my girls and so far it's been a great decision and one that I think I will attempt to do every school year at least through Fifth grade or they get to be too cool to hang out with me.
Our trip to Rockport today was fun but I didn't truly get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do mostly because my mom decided to tag along at the last moment and tried to ruin what should have been a truly awesome day for me. I'm not going into it because it isn't appropriate for here but I was so mad and upset in the moment and it took quite a bit of restraint to be the role model I needed to be and to not show my girls how truly upset I was about the stupid stuff that my mom said and did today. I guess turning Forty is going to totally mature me in ways that I never dreamed it would. Good thing I bought a pound of fudge...
Monday, August 18, 2014
Reflections
Tonight is my last night in my 30's. I posted something about that on my FaceBook wall and a friend commented that I need to write a book. I think this blog is the closest I will ever get to doing that since if you look back at this blog over the past few years anyone could see that my life is not book worthy even though I've seen, done and been through a lot in my 40 years.
This past decade though has seen more highs and lows that I could have ever imagined in a lifetime. In reflecting on just these last 10 years though I've noticed that I am so not the same person I was 10 years ago or even 15 years ago when I got married to the guy that I met when I was 18 and thought I would be with for the rest of my life till we were in our 80s or 90s and surrounded by grandkids and maybe even great grandkids. Unfortunately that wasn't to be. I might still be surrounded by the grands and great grands but it's going to be possibly alone. Have I mentioned that I hate being and feeling alone?
I am proud to note though that I am not the woman I was 10 years ago. I have withstood so much. Infertility, Post Partum Depression, becoming a widow, learning how to date and love again when I wasn't sure that I ever could love anyone again. I have learned how to rely on myself and not always depend on others. I have learned that I can be seen as a strong woman even though on the inside I am a trembling little girl who wants to be protected from the big bad world by those that will always protect her. I have learned to stand up for myself and my children, to question authority and to not just retreat when I am told that something can't or won't happen and to figure out how to make what I want to happen actually happen. To go to bat for my kids and be their protector from the big bad world and to keep them innocent as long as I possibly can but to also be their role model for what a strong and confident woman looks like. To take the time for me because no one else is going to just tell me to take it and to be bold enough to tell people that I need that time for me to be me and to recharge my personal batteries even if all it looks like is that I went to knitting group for 2 hours or that I had essentially ran away from home and my kids for a long weekend away with my twin momma friends from across the country and a Canadian or two.
I'm actually looking forward to what happens next in my life. To looking back in another decade and seeing where I am and what I have accomplished. For now though I am looking forward to my annual trip to Rockport in the morning and continuing the tradition of going there every summer for a day trip either alone or with the girls as my companions. It's my one spot in the world that I love more than anything (okay Disney World is a very close tie but a trip to Rockport is not as bad on my budget as Disney can be). I can totally relax there and just be me. Plus there will be fudge and that is the best part for me.
This past decade though has seen more highs and lows that I could have ever imagined in a lifetime. In reflecting on just these last 10 years though I've noticed that I am so not the same person I was 10 years ago or even 15 years ago when I got married to the guy that I met when I was 18 and thought I would be with for the rest of my life till we were in our 80s or 90s and surrounded by grandkids and maybe even great grandkids. Unfortunately that wasn't to be. I might still be surrounded by the grands and great grands but it's going to be possibly alone. Have I mentioned that I hate being and feeling alone?
I am proud to note though that I am not the woman I was 10 years ago. I have withstood so much. Infertility, Post Partum Depression, becoming a widow, learning how to date and love again when I wasn't sure that I ever could love anyone again. I have learned how to rely on myself and not always depend on others. I have learned that I can be seen as a strong woman even though on the inside I am a trembling little girl who wants to be protected from the big bad world by those that will always protect her. I have learned to stand up for myself and my children, to question authority and to not just retreat when I am told that something can't or won't happen and to figure out how to make what I want to happen actually happen. To go to bat for my kids and be their protector from the big bad world and to keep them innocent as long as I possibly can but to also be their role model for what a strong and confident woman looks like. To take the time for me because no one else is going to just tell me to take it and to be bold enough to tell people that I need that time for me to be me and to recharge my personal batteries even if all it looks like is that I went to knitting group for 2 hours or that I had essentially ran away from home and my kids for a long weekend away with my twin momma friends from across the country and a Canadian or two.
I'm actually looking forward to what happens next in my life. To looking back in another decade and seeing where I am and what I have accomplished. For now though I am looking forward to my annual trip to Rockport in the morning and continuing the tradition of going there every summer for a day trip either alone or with the girls as my companions. It's my one spot in the world that I love more than anything (okay Disney World is a very close tie but a trip to Rockport is not as bad on my budget as Disney can be). I can totally relax there and just be me. Plus there will be fudge and that is the best part for me.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Happy New Year
Ok it's been a while.. sorry I have a life and I got busy and stuff.
Life is pretty good for the most part. I enjoyed my time away in November with my Twin Mom friends. It was great to get a chance to recharge a little..
December was nice also. It went a bit too fast for me but that's ok since there was barely any time between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year to do much.
We got treated well by Santa this year in various ways and by various other people too.
We got a big snowstorm / blizzard basically a day into the new year and earned us 2 extra days off for vacation time from school and my work. Everyone goes back on Monday and I can't be happier for that.
The girls and I saw the movie Frozen right after Christmas and enjoyed it quite a bit to the point that we bought the music on CD and I have gotten them all sorts of goodies that have to do with the 2 main characters Elsa and Anna. My own Anna was even able to make it through the movie without getting scared or bugging out over the one scary scene in the entire movie. I am so proud of her since she usually doesn't do well with seeing movies in the theater and we have to then wait for DVDs to come out. Hopefully this means that she is maturing and that we can get through more movies in the future.
I have very few resolutions this year. I hope to continue to be healthy and stay that way along with my girls. I also want to be better about writing here. I've been rather lax about it but that may be more an indication that I'm living life well these days and haven't had the time to be here. I do need to make more time for things that have seemed to dropped off my radar lately like going and getting in some running time or exercising. I have a membership to the YMCA and I need to use it more than I currently do.
Until next time..
Life is pretty good for the most part. I enjoyed my time away in November with my Twin Mom friends. It was great to get a chance to recharge a little..
December was nice also. It went a bit too fast for me but that's ok since there was barely any time between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year to do much.
We got treated well by Santa this year in various ways and by various other people too.
We got a big snowstorm / blizzard basically a day into the new year and earned us 2 extra days off for vacation time from school and my work. Everyone goes back on Monday and I can't be happier for that.
The girls and I saw the movie Frozen right after Christmas and enjoyed it quite a bit to the point that we bought the music on CD and I have gotten them all sorts of goodies that have to do with the 2 main characters Elsa and Anna. My own Anna was even able to make it through the movie without getting scared or bugging out over the one scary scene in the entire movie. I am so proud of her since she usually doesn't do well with seeing movies in the theater and we have to then wait for DVDs to come out. Hopefully this means that she is maturing and that we can get through more movies in the future.
I have very few resolutions this year. I hope to continue to be healthy and stay that way along with my girls. I also want to be better about writing here. I've been rather lax about it but that may be more an indication that I'm living life well these days and haven't had the time to be here. I do need to make more time for things that have seemed to dropped off my radar lately like going and getting in some running time or exercising. I have a membership to the YMCA and I need to use it more than I currently do.
Until next time..
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
K is for Kindergarten and U is for Updates
So here we are just over a month into being big kids that go to Kindergarten. It's been a pretty smooth transition for both girls though there have been a couple of small bumps in the road for them but I think we are finally settling in and getting into routines that work for us. Mornings can be chaotic but once we get to school and get some playtime on the playground with our new friends we are usually settled enough to get through the day.
Lily already has a boyfriend.. they like to hold hands on the playground and run around together. They usually walk into the school holding hands.. it's very adorable. Sometimes Anna holds this boy's hand too as they walk inside..
Tonight Anna told me that she has a boyfriend too. I'll have to watch and see how they behave around each other when we are on the playground tomorrow.
What else?
I'm still seeing the same guy. I really like him a lot and he seems to like me a lot too. Wish I could see him more but that's the life of a med student that is in his final year and has month long rotations at the moment. I'm actually so busy lately with the girls I didn't even notice that the month of Sept basically went by so quickly. Before I know it my guy will be around again for a visit between rotations. Till then there is lots for me to do. Work is getting busy as we prep to wind down the Medicare Part D assistance program for 2013 and start getting ready for 2014 and the changes that will be happening to the program. I'm taking a 4 day break from life in November to travel with some Twin Mom friends. I will hopefully be able to rest and recharge and come back ready to get through the holiday season. There are also kid birthday parties starting to loom on the horizon. The first of them is for Lily's boyfriend. That should be a fun time..
I hope to update a little more frequently than I have been lately. Till then,,
Lily already has a boyfriend.. they like to hold hands on the playground and run around together. They usually walk into the school holding hands.. it's very adorable. Sometimes Anna holds this boy's hand too as they walk inside..
Tonight Anna told me that she has a boyfriend too. I'll have to watch and see how they behave around each other when we are on the playground tomorrow.
What else?
I'm still seeing the same guy. I really like him a lot and he seems to like me a lot too. Wish I could see him more but that's the life of a med student that is in his final year and has month long rotations at the moment. I'm actually so busy lately with the girls I didn't even notice that the month of Sept basically went by so quickly. Before I know it my guy will be around again for a visit between rotations. Till then there is lots for me to do. Work is getting busy as we prep to wind down the Medicare Part D assistance program for 2013 and start getting ready for 2014 and the changes that will be happening to the program. I'm taking a 4 day break from life in November to travel with some Twin Mom friends. I will hopefully be able to rest and recharge and come back ready to get through the holiday season. There are also kid birthday parties starting to loom on the horizon. The first of them is for Lily's boyfriend. That should be a fun time..
I hope to update a little more frequently than I have been lately. Till then,,
Monday, August 26, 2013
Letters to my girls as we start Kindergarten
Tonight I'm feeling the need to be here and typing.. mostly because I am having so many feelings lately about the start of Kindergarten. So with that said here are letters to my girls as they start going to school.
Dear Anna,
Hey there sweet girl. Tomorrow you start Kindergarten and get to go to the big kid school for the first time. I am so proud of you and I know that Daddy would be too. You are totally ready to rock in Kindergarten. You are a natural leader and I have a feeling that there are going to be so many notes home or phone calls about your behavior and bossiness. Then again you are a good friend and maybe those notes will tell me that you were so good that you earned a CARES sticker. I wish that Daddy were here with me watching you go to school with Lily. Unfortunately he's not here and you know why but it still breaks my heart that you'll never have him take you to Daddy/Daughter dances or get to hear how excited you are about a hundred million things that you have to tell me RIGHT NOW. I want you to know that you not only look like him but at times remind me of him in the things that you do and say. This is not a bad thing at all. It actually makes me happy that I still get to see him in you everyday. WE love you so much baby girl and yes I know that you are NOT A BABY anymore but you will always be my baby no matter how big you grow.
Love with lots of kisses and hugs,
Mommy
Dear Lily,
Hi there baby. You are such a big girl and I can't wait for you to go to Kindergarten tomorrow with Anna. You are so ready and I am proud of the girl that you are becoming and Daddy is too even though he's not here to see you anymore. You are such a gentle and caring person and make friends so easily. I look forward to hearing about all your adventures, listening to you sing all your new songs and hearing about your new "brothers". Remember that you need to use your words instead of hurting people by pinching and hitting since that isn't very nice to do. Daddy and I love you a lot and I wish that he was here to see his little buddy go off to the big kid school. I'm so glad that you are my little girl and you will always be my baby no matter how big you get.
Love you so much,
Mommy
Dear Anna,
Hey there sweet girl. Tomorrow you start Kindergarten and get to go to the big kid school for the first time. I am so proud of you and I know that Daddy would be too. You are totally ready to rock in Kindergarten. You are a natural leader and I have a feeling that there are going to be so many notes home or phone calls about your behavior and bossiness. Then again you are a good friend and maybe those notes will tell me that you were so good that you earned a CARES sticker. I wish that Daddy were here with me watching you go to school with Lily. Unfortunately he's not here and you know why but it still breaks my heart that you'll never have him take you to Daddy/Daughter dances or get to hear how excited you are about a hundred million things that you have to tell me RIGHT NOW. I want you to know that you not only look like him but at times remind me of him in the things that you do and say. This is not a bad thing at all. It actually makes me happy that I still get to see him in you everyday. WE love you so much baby girl and yes I know that you are NOT A BABY anymore but you will always be my baby no matter how big you grow.
Love with lots of kisses and hugs,
Mommy
Dear Lily,
Hi there baby. You are such a big girl and I can't wait for you to go to Kindergarten tomorrow with Anna. You are so ready and I am proud of the girl that you are becoming and Daddy is too even though he's not here to see you anymore. You are such a gentle and caring person and make friends so easily. I look forward to hearing about all your adventures, listening to you sing all your new songs and hearing about your new "brothers". Remember that you need to use your words instead of hurting people by pinching and hitting since that isn't very nice to do. Daddy and I love you a lot and I wish that he was here to see his little buddy go off to the big kid school. I'm so glad that you are my little girl and you will always be my baby no matter how big you get.
Love you so much,
Mommy
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
More Updates
So I guess that I've been busy lately or not exactly sure what to say. I'll go with busy since that might be the easier explanation for my life at the moment.
I've been busy at work quite a bit and that is a really good thing especially since my contract got extended again till mid October. I was really nervous that it wouldn't get extended but apparently I had no reason to worry about that.
I also started seeing a new guy. I went on a couple of dates with other guys from one of my dating sites and yeah there are quite a few creeps out there. I also had a HS friend recommend a friend of hers that she thought might be a good person for me and yes he was nice but only a let's be friends type of nice.
The current guy is actually someone that I wouldn't have thought to be interested at all and truly wasn't on my radar either though if pressed I did think that he is nice looking and would be interesting to get to know better but I wasn't sure that it would happen. We actually got set up basically by a mutual friend to go to a movie together with other people and only one of the other people showed up which made for a slightly awkward night for me since the person that did show was the guy that I had most recently been trying to be in a relationship with and I was there with this other guy (that I had no clue was showing interest in me). Then the next day I got a message from the guy that I had been basically set up with asking if I wanted to hang out and chat more and maybe even go out some time. It took a little convincing on my part to make the leap but I did and I have been enjoying the experience so far. I really hope that although probably it will not a forever relationship that we will be together for a while and heck maybe minds will change on the possibly forever part. There are too many details to consider and work out at the moment though over time some of the details will work themselves out. I need to remember to be patient and let things work out for the best and lean on my support network when needed.
I'm still working on my sweater. The one that I started in January and was hoping to have finished by now. I do need to admit that I am almost there though. I have 6 more pattern rounds and then 12 rounds of ribbing before binding off and then finishing the sleeves and the neckline before declaring it done and giving it a bath and getting it blocked so I can wear it before Fall is here.
Here is what the sweater currently looks like (in case you were wondering). This was at 140 rounds and I've done 4 more rounds since I took this picture the other day.
One last update which probably deserves it's own post but I'll put it here for now. Three weeks from today (on August 27th) the girls will be starting Kindergarten. They seem to be excited but I think also a bit nervous about leaving the safety and security of Daycare. I need to take them shoe shopping this weekend at the mall and see about getting them a new outfit or two for the first couple of days of school. I also need to finish getting their backpacks ready and buy them some crayons and pencils for school use too since I don't remember there being any crayons or pencils on the list of supplies that I bought for them through the school itself.
First day of school is going to be a HUGE milestone for me. Our first real day of school with all the big kids and only Mommy there to see them off to school. No Daddy except in our hearts and minds. I know that I'll be ok but I will be missing having Lee here to share this day with me. Like I said, it's going to be a whole other post of it's own.
I've been busy at work quite a bit and that is a really good thing especially since my contract got extended again till mid October. I was really nervous that it wouldn't get extended but apparently I had no reason to worry about that.
I also started seeing a new guy. I went on a couple of dates with other guys from one of my dating sites and yeah there are quite a few creeps out there. I also had a HS friend recommend a friend of hers that she thought might be a good person for me and yes he was nice but only a let's be friends type of nice.
The current guy is actually someone that I wouldn't have thought to be interested at all and truly wasn't on my radar either though if pressed I did think that he is nice looking and would be interesting to get to know better but I wasn't sure that it would happen. We actually got set up basically by a mutual friend to go to a movie together with other people and only one of the other people showed up which made for a slightly awkward night for me since the person that did show was the guy that I had most recently been trying to be in a relationship with and I was there with this other guy (that I had no clue was showing interest in me). Then the next day I got a message from the guy that I had been basically set up with asking if I wanted to hang out and chat more and maybe even go out some time. It took a little convincing on my part to make the leap but I did and I have been enjoying the experience so far. I really hope that although probably it will not a forever relationship that we will be together for a while and heck maybe minds will change on the possibly forever part. There are too many details to consider and work out at the moment though over time some of the details will work themselves out. I need to remember to be patient and let things work out for the best and lean on my support network when needed.
I'm still working on my sweater. The one that I started in January and was hoping to have finished by now. I do need to admit that I am almost there though. I have 6 more pattern rounds and then 12 rounds of ribbing before binding off and then finishing the sleeves and the neckline before declaring it done and giving it a bath and getting it blocked so I can wear it before Fall is here.
Here is what the sweater currently looks like (in case you were wondering). This was at 140 rounds and I've done 4 more rounds since I took this picture the other day.
One last update which probably deserves it's own post but I'll put it here for now. Three weeks from today (on August 27th) the girls will be starting Kindergarten. They seem to be excited but I think also a bit nervous about leaving the safety and security of Daycare. I need to take them shoe shopping this weekend at the mall and see about getting them a new outfit or two for the first couple of days of school. I also need to finish getting their backpacks ready and buy them some crayons and pencils for school use too since I don't remember there being any crayons or pencils on the list of supplies that I bought for them through the school itself.
First day of school is going to be a HUGE milestone for me. Our first real day of school with all the big kids and only Mommy there to see them off to school. No Daddy except in our hearts and minds. I know that I'll be ok but I will be missing having Lee here to share this day with me. Like I said, it's going to be a whole other post of it's own.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Ugh Father's Day
This is the first year since Lee passed that I am not enthralled by the approach of Father's Day. This will be our 3rd one without Lee here but the first that the girls understand that their Daddy isn't here to celebrate it.
Last night I was on Facebook looking at pictures of Lee with Lily on my lap and she commented that she needs a new Daddy. I quickly told her that she still has her daddy but he's just not here and that he still loves her.
I feel awful for my girls that they got robbed by Lee dying when they were so small. They only got 2yrs and 11m with him and they probably won't remember very much about him as they grow up and the memories fade over time. I'm glad that I have so many pictures of him and so many stories that I can tell them about him but it still sucks that they won't ever know how goofy he was and how much he was looking forward to watching them grow into actual people and not be babies forever. He used to tell me how much he was looking forward to taking them camping when they got big enough and were out of diapers and able to go to the bathroom on their own. I guess that's something that I'll have to do with them instead and find a friend to go with us since I know very little about camping and how to go about it.
It will be interesting next year at this time of year how they wind up dealing with Father's Day since they'll be in Kindergarten and all the other kids will be most probably making all sorts of crafts for their dads or grandpas and my kids will have no one to make anything for. Though I guess that's a bridge to think about and cross later when we get to it eventually.
Last night I was on Facebook looking at pictures of Lee with Lily on my lap and she commented that she needs a new Daddy. I quickly told her that she still has her daddy but he's just not here and that he still loves her.
I feel awful for my girls that they got robbed by Lee dying when they were so small. They only got 2yrs and 11m with him and they probably won't remember very much about him as they grow up and the memories fade over time. I'm glad that I have so many pictures of him and so many stories that I can tell them about him but it still sucks that they won't ever know how goofy he was and how much he was looking forward to watching them grow into actual people and not be babies forever. He used to tell me how much he was looking forward to taking them camping when they got big enough and were out of diapers and able to go to the bathroom on their own. I guess that's something that I'll have to do with them instead and find a friend to go with us since I know very little about camping and how to go about it.
It will be interesting next year at this time of year how they wind up dealing with Father's Day since they'll be in Kindergarten and all the other kids will be most probably making all sorts of crafts for their dads or grandpas and my kids will have no one to make anything for. Though I guess that's a bridge to think about and cross later when we get to it eventually.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Update on Me 2 years later
So I was just on a site that I used to frequent quite a bit and realized that I hadn't really updated too much about life lately..
So here we go... You all mostly know about the big move from Malden to Melrose that happened almost 2 months ago (it really doesn't feel like it was that long ago already).. but I haven't talked about a couple of big decisions that have happened lately.. First off I'm no longer wearing my wedding rings.. It was truly time. I took them off maybe a week or two after I moved.. mostly because I'm trying to move on with my life. I'm not sure what is going to happen but I was ready to do it and I want to appear more available than I did when I was still wearing them. I had a long talk with a couple of trusted people before I did it. I admit it did feel weird at first to not have them on and I even tried out wearing my Claddagh Ring that I had found while packing for a couple days but since I'd never worn it without being "taken" it felt weird to wear it as "available" so I took that off too. Now it feels ok and normal to wear nothing on my ring finger after having something there practically 24/7 for almost 14 years.
Secondly and somewhat linked to the above.. I'm starting to date again. It's really weird to be back in the dating world especially when it's been 20 years since I've actually "dated" or tried to start a relationship and this time I have 2 kids to consider besides just me. I have a really good friend at my church that I thought would be a good match for us since we all really like this person a lot (and still do to be honest) but it wasn't to be unfortunately. Though as a first time out of the gate relationship it was a good learning experience to figure out what I truly want. Maybe further down the line I can try that relationship again. We'll see. I did join a dating site and it's hilarious the types of guys that are out there looking and thinking that I MIGHT be interested in them. My 2 favorites so far were the 23 year old who offered me a massage (um NO) and the 20 year old that called me a MILF (let me know if you need an explanation on that term) which was nice to see but my gosh I could be that guy's mother with the age difference and Ewwww. Not going down that road at all. Hopefully I'll eventually find someone for me and eventually have the girls meet this person when the time is right.
There are actually 2 possible guys that I've been chatting with and hope to meet soon. We'll see if either of them pans out. Stay tuned..
So here we go... You all mostly know about the big move from Malden to Melrose that happened almost 2 months ago (it really doesn't feel like it was that long ago already).. but I haven't talked about a couple of big decisions that have happened lately.. First off I'm no longer wearing my wedding rings.. It was truly time. I took them off maybe a week or two after I moved.. mostly because I'm trying to move on with my life. I'm not sure what is going to happen but I was ready to do it and I want to appear more available than I did when I was still wearing them. I had a long talk with a couple of trusted people before I did it. I admit it did feel weird at first to not have them on and I even tried out wearing my Claddagh Ring that I had found while packing for a couple days but since I'd never worn it without being "taken" it felt weird to wear it as "available" so I took that off too. Now it feels ok and normal to wear nothing on my ring finger after having something there practically 24/7 for almost 14 years.
Secondly and somewhat linked to the above.. I'm starting to date again. It's really weird to be back in the dating world especially when it's been 20 years since I've actually "dated" or tried to start a relationship and this time I have 2 kids to consider besides just me. I have a really good friend at my church that I thought would be a good match for us since we all really like this person a lot (and still do to be honest) but it wasn't to be unfortunately. Though as a first time out of the gate relationship it was a good learning experience to figure out what I truly want. Maybe further down the line I can try that relationship again. We'll see. I did join a dating site and it's hilarious the types of guys that are out there looking and thinking that I MIGHT be interested in them. My 2 favorites so far were the 23 year old who offered me a massage (um NO) and the 20 year old that called me a MILF (let me know if you need an explanation on that term) which was nice to see but my gosh I could be that guy's mother with the age difference and Ewwww. Not going down that road at all. Hopefully I'll eventually find someone for me and eventually have the girls meet this person when the time is right.
There are actually 2 possible guys that I've been chatting with and hope to meet soon. We'll see if either of them pans out. Stay tuned..
T Minus 8 days..
So in 8 (eight) days something really big is happening.. Something that I've been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. My BABIES will be turning FIVE YEARS OLD . How is that even possible??? How is that 5 years ago at this time I was so done being pregnant and just wanted these kids out.. It doesn't feel like it's been 5 years at all.. Five years since I finally met the little ones that had taken over my body and made me a very happy person... Five years since Lee and I tried to figure out 2 sets of names just in case the ultrasounds had been wrong and we really did need some boy names to go with our girl names. Five years since life went topsy turvy for the first time (the second time would be 2 yrs and 11 months later)..
Along with counting down to their birthday I'm starting to countdown to Kindergarten for them. I think the official first day of school is August 27th.. I haven't made any countdown charts yet for that (too much time for 5 year olds to grasp) but know that we will.
So how are we celebrating this monumental birthday??? We're going to Disney... in 7 more days... That's right we leave the day before they turn 5 years old.. that way we can wake up to being 5 in the Most Magical Place on Earth.. plus I think that they get a wake up phone call on their birthday from the characters.. which should be really awesome.. I can barely wait myself..
More later...
Along with counting down to their birthday I'm starting to countdown to Kindergarten for them. I think the official first day of school is August 27th.. I haven't made any countdown charts yet for that (too much time for 5 year olds to grasp) but know that we will.
So how are we celebrating this monumental birthday??? We're going to Disney... in 7 more days... That's right we leave the day before they turn 5 years old.. that way we can wake up to being 5 in the Most Magical Place on Earth.. plus I think that they get a wake up phone call on their birthday from the characters.. which should be really awesome.. I can barely wait myself..
More later...
Sunday, April 7, 2013
3 weeks Post Move
I feel bad that I haven't been around lately to blog.. with the move and work and just life in general.. things have been chaotic at best.. but otherwise very busy here..
The move itself went really well.. Quite a few friends showed up and were really great about helping me with the move. I am still so moved that they were able to help me with it.
I'm still trying to go through boxes and find places for things that I have.. I also have a long list of things that I want and need to get for the new place. I took care of a few items on it yesterday but I still feel like I have tons more to do. I still need to hook up the DVD player and VCR to my TV in the living room. Thank goodness for the TV in my room that came with a DVD player built in so that we can still watch movies and videos.
My job has been a source of stress lately. Our Medicare Part D Assistance Program for 2013 opened on March 1st and we got a huge influx of applications from patients needing assistance with paying for their Renvela prescriptions. The assistance also helps with their other medications too. New this year is that we are not requiring the patients to pay any Out of Pocket expenses to be qualified (Having access to drug is a huge thing this year for our company) so everyone and their brother is applying for assistance. I think it's finally slowing down though and hopefully by Tuesday we will be caught up to almost Real Time on the applications that are coming in.
One other big stressor is that the Anniversary of Lee's death and our Wedding Anniversary is coming up soon. The sermon at church today was on Grief and Living and I started crying just a few minutes in to it. Thankfully some friends were near by and moved to be next to me so I could cry it out and they held me close and made me feel better after I let myself cry. Hopefully Thursday (the actual day) will be ok.. I'll stop and get some flowers for everyone on my way to the cemetery. I also have a dental appointment that day so I'm taking the day off from work to deal with my feelings of grief.
If I feel anything like I did today it's going to be a doozy of a day and then 6 days later would have been our 14th Wedding Anniversary. I think I'll be able to go to work that day though and be somewhat normal.
The girls are adjusting well and so far seem to like where we live now. They have a playroom for all of their toys now and having it is a huge hit so far. I like that I can basically shut the door on the mess that it usually is and be ok with it since the mess isn't everywhere.
That seems like enough of an update for now. I think I might write more later since we've been so busy lately.
The move itself went really well.. Quite a few friends showed up and were really great about helping me with the move. I am still so moved that they were able to help me with it.
I'm still trying to go through boxes and find places for things that I have.. I also have a long list of things that I want and need to get for the new place. I took care of a few items on it yesterday but I still feel like I have tons more to do. I still need to hook up the DVD player and VCR to my TV in the living room. Thank goodness for the TV in my room that came with a DVD player built in so that we can still watch movies and videos.
My job has been a source of stress lately. Our Medicare Part D Assistance Program for 2013 opened on March 1st and we got a huge influx of applications from patients needing assistance with paying for their Renvela prescriptions. The assistance also helps with their other medications too. New this year is that we are not requiring the patients to pay any Out of Pocket expenses to be qualified (Having access to drug is a huge thing this year for our company) so everyone and their brother is applying for assistance. I think it's finally slowing down though and hopefully by Tuesday we will be caught up to almost Real Time on the applications that are coming in.
One other big stressor is that the Anniversary of Lee's death and our Wedding Anniversary is coming up soon. The sermon at church today was on Grief and Living and I started crying just a few minutes in to it. Thankfully some friends were near by and moved to be next to me so I could cry it out and they held me close and made me feel better after I let myself cry. Hopefully Thursday (the actual day) will be ok.. I'll stop and get some flowers for everyone on my way to the cemetery. I also have a dental appointment that day so I'm taking the day off from work to deal with my feelings of grief.
If I feel anything like I did today it's going to be a doozy of a day and then 6 days later would have been our 14th Wedding Anniversary. I think I'll be able to go to work that day though and be somewhat normal.
The girls are adjusting well and so far seem to like where we live now. They have a playroom for all of their toys now and having it is a huge hit so far. I like that I can basically shut the door on the mess that it usually is and be ok with it since the mess isn't everywhere.
That seems like enough of an update for now. I think I might write more later since we've been so busy lately.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Changes Looming
So I've been quite busy lately and that alone has kept me from being able to blog at all.
I won't go into all the things that I've been doing since February 18th (when I last posted anything) but I will talk about one of them.... Moving.
After14 years of being where Lee and I landed after we got married, I'm finally moving out of my current address and moving to a new one.
This is huge.... it's even bigger and messier than when Lee passed away. I'm not really dealing all that well with the idea of packing up all our stuff and getting stuff purged and out. There are a lot of memories that are being brought up for me as I find all sorts of things.
I have found so many old cards and momentos and things that I truly want to cling to and keep forever but know that I can't. So I've had to be ruthless about throwing things out and paring down what I have.
The funny thing is that the place that we are going to is slightly bigger than what I currently have so one of two things will possibly happen. Either my stuff will look lost and I'll be forced to get more stuff (ugh) or what I already have will fit perfectly in the new place and I'll be flabbergasted at how I lived in such close quarters for so long.
I am very excited for this move. It means so much to me to be gaining so much. In addition to the standard kitchen, living room, 2 bedrooms that most places have, this new place will also give us a Pantry area off the kitchen with lots of storage, a Dining room area (with built in hutch) and a Sunroom that I will be making into a playroom area for the girls. I'm also going to have attic storage and the possibility of the use of the owner's washer and dryer in the basement. Just the idea of not having to pay for laundry makes me giddy and then there is the best feature ever. A driveway. I am getting the use of a 3 car driveway (the owner who will be living on the 1st floor has his own parking area too) that I don't need to share.. It's all mine...
I also will be gaining lots of freedom by moving.. Here I feel landlocked and not able to go anywhere without having to take my car with me.. At the new place if I want to go to my mom's I can walk there. Same with going to the park. There will be one just down the street. Want to have some Dunkin Donuts? I just need to walk a couple blocks to Main Street and boom I can get my Tea, Muffins and doughnuts for the girls. I could even possibly walk to church and the school that I want the girls to attend for Kindergarten will be nearby also.
I want to say some other things too but unfortunately I need to get going. It's a busy day here and the packing won't get done on it's own. I only have 6 days left here and I need to make the most of them.
I won't go into all the things that I've been doing since February 18th (when I last posted anything) but I will talk about one of them.... Moving.
After14 years of being where Lee and I landed after we got married, I'm finally moving out of my current address and moving to a new one.
This is huge.... it's even bigger and messier than when Lee passed away. I'm not really dealing all that well with the idea of packing up all our stuff and getting stuff purged and out. There are a lot of memories that are being brought up for me as I find all sorts of things.
I have found so many old cards and momentos and things that I truly want to cling to and keep forever but know that I can't. So I've had to be ruthless about throwing things out and paring down what I have.
The funny thing is that the place that we are going to is slightly bigger than what I currently have so one of two things will possibly happen. Either my stuff will look lost and I'll be forced to get more stuff (ugh) or what I already have will fit perfectly in the new place and I'll be flabbergasted at how I lived in such close quarters for so long.
I am very excited for this move. It means so much to me to be gaining so much. In addition to the standard kitchen, living room, 2 bedrooms that most places have, this new place will also give us a Pantry area off the kitchen with lots of storage, a Dining room area (with built in hutch) and a Sunroom that I will be making into a playroom area for the girls. I'm also going to have attic storage and the possibility of the use of the owner's washer and dryer in the basement. Just the idea of not having to pay for laundry makes me giddy and then there is the best feature ever. A driveway. I am getting the use of a 3 car driveway (the owner who will be living on the 1st floor has his own parking area too) that I don't need to share.. It's all mine...
I also will be gaining lots of freedom by moving.. Here I feel landlocked and not able to go anywhere without having to take my car with me.. At the new place if I want to go to my mom's I can walk there. Same with going to the park. There will be one just down the street. Want to have some Dunkin Donuts? I just need to walk a couple blocks to Main Street and boom I can get my Tea, Muffins and doughnuts for the girls. I could even possibly walk to church and the school that I want the girls to attend for Kindergarten will be nearby also.
I want to say some other things too but unfortunately I need to get going. It's a busy day here and the packing won't get done on it's own. I only have 6 days left here and I need to make the most of them.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Knitting update
So I figured out recently that I somehow misread the directions or the directions were not clear enough and I was knitting my sweater incorrectly.. It was insanely painful to have to rip out 40 rounds of knitting... and start over..
The starting over proved to be painful also since I somehow twisted my stitches somewhere in the initial 10 rounds and had to rip that out too..
But now I am pleased to report that I am currently on Round 51.. and things are looking much better.. as in just like the picture on the pattern itself.
Now I face a new challenge (since this is my first in the round top down sweater)... using waste yarn to hold the sleeve stitches and I have no clue how to go about this... I think I might have to wait till Wednesday night to even attempt it as I will be at knitting then and can attempt with the backup of some more experienced knitters.
My first attempt (close up) the lace is going into the armpit area.
Also the first attempt
The pattern and the ball of yarn after I ripped the 40 rounds of the sweater out.
The starting over proved to be painful also since I somehow twisted my stitches somewhere in the initial 10 rounds and had to rip that out too..
But now I am pleased to report that I am currently on Round 51.. and things are looking much better.. as in just like the picture on the pattern itself.
Now I face a new challenge (since this is my first in the round top down sweater)... using waste yarn to hold the sleeve stitches and I have no clue how to go about this... I think I might have to wait till Wednesday night to even attempt it as I will be at knitting then and can attempt with the backup of some more experienced knitters.
My first attempt (close up) the lace is going into the armpit area. 
Also the first attempt
The pattern and the ball of yarn after I ripped the 40 rounds of the sweater out. Friday, January 25, 2013
Kindergarten Looming
Apparently sometime between now and the last couple of years I blinked.. and something happened.. my babies grew from little itty bitty babies that needed me for everything into almost big kids who are going to be heading to Kindergarten in September.
I knew that this was going to happen. I just am suddenly not feeling all that ready. The girls are excited and I feel ready and if they were allowed would go to Kindergarten tomorrow (ok on Monday). What is making me feel so not ready for Kindergarten... I went to a Kindergarten Info Session last night and I saw many mommies and daddies that I haven't exactly seen in a small while. We all met for the first time when all the kiddos were babies that we could carry in infant carseats and put them on the floor together to interact as best they could. Over time there were playdates, birthday parties, and random meetups at the park. Last night though we all filed into the auditorium and listened intently as the school principals talked to us about their buildings and then the Kindergarten Curriculm was outlined to us along with the Registration process. Then they let us ask our questions.. We had a few then they sent us off with papers with some FAQs about the process itself.
I went home (ok to my mom's) and one girl was sleeping and I couldn't believe how much she looked like the little baby that I held not so long ago and I started feeling sad since I'd be sending her and her sister out into the world in just a few short months. I got melancholy and weepy at work today as I kept thinking about how quickly my babies have grown and how much their Daddy would be loving this time in their lives. They are both potty trained (with the occasional accident), are very chatty, seem to be so smart and are extremely funny.
I really hope that there is a program of some sort for the Mommies who thought they were ready to send their kids to Kindergarten but are reluctant to truly let go of those little hands and trust that their babies will be ok in a classroom filled with so many other kids and a couple of teachers. I'm betting that I won't be the only Mommy fighting back the tears as her babies enter the classroom, but I know that I'll also be fighting those tears because their Daddy isn't here to shed those tears alongside me and help keep me calm and distracted while the girls are in school for the first day.
Even typing this all out is making me weepy and needing to get the tissues, and this is just Registration. The first true day of school is still 7-8 months away and I think that I will be doing my best to not only keep them little by snuggling with them as much as possible but to get them ready for the independence that they are going to need to have once they cross the threshold into the Kindergarten Classroom and become school kids.
I think that's enough rambling on this topic for the moment.
I knew that this was going to happen. I just am suddenly not feeling all that ready. The girls are excited and I feel ready and if they were allowed would go to Kindergarten tomorrow (ok on Monday). What is making me feel so not ready for Kindergarten... I went to a Kindergarten Info Session last night and I saw many mommies and daddies that I haven't exactly seen in a small while. We all met for the first time when all the kiddos were babies that we could carry in infant carseats and put them on the floor together to interact as best they could. Over time there were playdates, birthday parties, and random meetups at the park. Last night though we all filed into the auditorium and listened intently as the school principals talked to us about their buildings and then the Kindergarten Curriculm was outlined to us along with the Registration process. Then they let us ask our questions.. We had a few then they sent us off with papers with some FAQs about the process itself.
I went home (ok to my mom's) and one girl was sleeping and I couldn't believe how much she looked like the little baby that I held not so long ago and I started feeling sad since I'd be sending her and her sister out into the world in just a few short months. I got melancholy and weepy at work today as I kept thinking about how quickly my babies have grown and how much their Daddy would be loving this time in their lives. They are both potty trained (with the occasional accident), are very chatty, seem to be so smart and are extremely funny.
I really hope that there is a program of some sort for the Mommies who thought they were ready to send their kids to Kindergarten but are reluctant to truly let go of those little hands and trust that their babies will be ok in a classroom filled with so many other kids and a couple of teachers. I'm betting that I won't be the only Mommy fighting back the tears as her babies enter the classroom, but I know that I'll also be fighting those tears because their Daddy isn't here to shed those tears alongside me and help keep me calm and distracted while the girls are in school for the first day.
Even typing this all out is making me weepy and needing to get the tissues, and this is just Registration. The first true day of school is still 7-8 months away and I think that I will be doing my best to not only keep them little by snuggling with them as much as possible but to get them ready for the independence that they are going to need to have once they cross the threshold into the Kindergarten Classroom and become school kids.
I think that's enough rambling on this topic for the moment.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Sweater Knitting
So one of my gifts for Christmas was some money from my BIL ... I intended to spend it solely on myself and for a spiffy new knitting bag.. since I really need one.. so I took the girls to the knitting store with me that I know has some spiffy knitting bags and they were basically out of those.. Instead I fell in love with a sweater pattern and some yarn and needles... $23 over my gift amount and I was in business.
Here's the thing... it's not a regular sweater pattern of make the front, make sleeves, make the back and now sew it all together (hate that part btw) and hope it fits correctly. THIS pattern is for making the sweater in the round and all at once..
It's my first time doing it though... so there's all sorts of fun anxiety for me as I am figuring it all out. I'm about to start the 14th round.. of many many rounds... ok it's only 52 rounds plus all the shaping and ending stuff that happens once you have everything done.
I've already learned my new thing for this project.. it's basically called a bar increase but the direction for it written out was sounding a little funky to me and I had to go to knittinghelp.com to see a video of how to do it (I needed to turn 1 stitch into 4 stitches - though a bar increase as seen in the video only makes the 1 stitch into 2 stitches).
I'm hoping that I'll get the project (or the majority of it) done before Spring arrives since it has shorter sleeves and will hopefully be weather appropriate too.
Here's a link to the pattern for the sweater... http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/rusted-root
Mine will be Pink and made from Cascade Superwash 220.
Here's the thing... it's not a regular sweater pattern of make the front, make sleeves, make the back and now sew it all together (hate that part btw) and hope it fits correctly. THIS pattern is for making the sweater in the round and all at once..
It's my first time doing it though... so there's all sorts of fun anxiety for me as I am figuring it all out. I'm about to start the 14th round.. of many many rounds... ok it's only 52 rounds plus all the shaping and ending stuff that happens once you have everything done.
I've already learned my new thing for this project.. it's basically called a bar increase but the direction for it written out was sounding a little funky to me and I had to go to knittinghelp.com to see a video of how to do it (I needed to turn 1 stitch into 4 stitches - though a bar increase as seen in the video only makes the 1 stitch into 2 stitches).
I'm hoping that I'll get the project (or the majority of it) done before Spring arrives since it has shorter sleeves and will hopefully be weather appropriate too.
Here's a link to the pattern for the sweater... http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/rusted-root
Mine will be Pink and made from Cascade Superwash 220.
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