Confession time

I don't even know where to begin.... I met someone about 2 months ago on a dating site.. we seemed to click online and just couldn't make the connection to actually meet till I happened to score 2 tickets to see Michael Buble in Mid July. So I asked and this person was my date for the concert and damn it.. we clicked really well in person too. Oh how we clicked. Unfortunately I made a mistake and it has seemed to have cost me quite a bit when it comes to this relationship since he couldn't seem to basically get over what happened. Yet at the same time I can't seem to stop thinking about this person and damn it, I still want this person in my life and if I'm being honest with myself, I want him want him. Yup, Miss Somewhat Independent is basically falling hard yet again.

Today while in Rockport and playing on the beach I kept wondering to myself what it would have been like to bring this person with me today instead of my mom or my kids. Would my day have been better overall because that person was with me or would I have regretted sharing my hideaway from the world? My one spot where I feel untouchable and that I can go to when the world is about to basically explode in my face. Even as I wandered around my favorite shops in Bearskin Neck I kept imagining this person with me and wondering if he would fall in love with this little spot as much as I have over the years.

Rockport is and always will be my special place. I feel totally at home there and just being there can usually calm me down when I need a bit of respite from the world. If I hadn't just been there today I would totally jump into my car and go back tomorrow and bring him with me because I think he needs a little Rockport magic in his life too.

Since I seem to be typing a bit randomly tonight I'll confess that I am seeing so many similarities between this person and Lee. They both seem to be down on their luck, having a hard time in life and I'm not sure if I'm trying to rectify what happened with Lee but I feel drawn to this person and I want to help. Not with money because 1. I don't have it to give and 2. I highly doubt he'd let me do that anyway. I guess I want to help him basically feel better about himself and quietly nurture him back to having confidence in himself and his abilities again. I wish I had more information about what makes this guy tick and why he had such a reaction to what I said and when I said it. Maybe I remind him of someone else like he reminds me of Lee and it makes him feel similar to what I am feeling. Maybe I'm just overthinking this or maybe I do want to make up for what happened with Lee though Lee's problems were deeper and he was already too far gone by the time I was a major part of his life yet sometimes I wonder if I could have done more and possibly saved him from himself. I'll never know and maybe these thoughts are best saved for chatting with my therapist.