Losing My Religion

There will one less Catholic in the world after approx 11:30am tomorrow. ME. I've been a Catholic my entire life.. till now. Ever since my dad died I've been extremely doubtful of all the stuff that being a Catholic means. I tried really hard to attend Mass or at least to go on Easter and Christmas but even that limited amount was too hard at times. This past December Lee and I went to California for a longish weekend around New Year's. We stayed with Lee's brother and his family. Anyway while there we attended church with Lee's Mom. She's Unitarian Universalist and I really liked the service.. So when we got home I started looking into local UU churches and decided that we would try the one in my hometown. So tomorrow we will both be signing the book as members of MUUC and I'll become a Unitarian.. though when we have kids I might still baptize them in the Catholic church and also have them dedicated in the Unitarian Church. Decisions decisions.. well at least there is plenty of time to decide that one..

Life Sucks

I've had a really bad week this week... I kept holding out hope though for a piece of good news that I was really hoping to get on Tuesday.. but it never came, so back to square 1 once again. Hopefully for the last time..

Old time Photo

Here's our Old Time Photo... We did a Civil War Era one... Hopefully if we do this again we'll do one of Lee's choosing and that would involve the 1930's and gangsters... should be fun..

We had a really nice weekend.

Oh my gosh what a nice weekend we had up in Rockport. The cottage was cute as could be and was perfect for us. A full bathroom, a nice bedroom with a Queen bed, kitchen and eating area, a living area and a small deck. The only not so nice part of the weekend was that it rained. A lot. But we had the best time... I even convinced Lee to do old fashioned photos. I'll post it later since I still need to scan it. We hada great time walking all over Rockport. I had gotten Lee a Got Lobster shirt in Boston and I didn't give it to him till Saturday morning. He loved it and decided to wear it that day.. especially since we were going out for Lobster Dinner that night. Sunday we turned in the key to the cottage and then went for a long walk around Halibut Point State Park. It was a really nice day for it. We climbed all sorts of rocks and had a great time taking all sorts of pictures. On the way home we stopped off at Woodman's in Essex for lunch. Yum. I can't wait to go back up to Rockport again.

I can't wait to get away this weekend

Because once again I am without a job... (I had typed up a whole post but the computer ate it).. The doctor (that's me) prescribes getting away and just relaxing.... but I am still so upset that this job didn't work out for me.. I had perfect attendence and no reason to be let go (I was a temp).. the reason I got is pure Nepotism... the siblings and children of permanent employees are coming to work for the summer.. it stinks... I got no warning that this was going to happen though since it was decided on Friday and I got told Friday night once I was already home. No time to even say goodbye to people i cared about and wanted to stay in touch with. it sucks.. At least Lee and I are getting away this weekend ... time to just relax and be... and I can't wait.. plus it's Lee's birthday weekend and I have a few surprises for him... this will be fun...

Has it been a Year already???

Today has been a hard day... my horoscope predicted a bad day... I should have listened.. ugh... I'm not going into it... too depressing and I'm already depressed enough... cause one year ago today was my last day with the Toddlers..

I can't believe it's truly been a year.. some days it feels longer and other days it seems like yesterday.. It had started out as a fairly normal day (though it was raining so we had to go to the playroom instead of outside).. the kids were doing well, no one had gotten into trouble (including me).. and it was hopefully going to be a better day.. (kid got bit the day before and I got a warning that anything else happened I was out). Then we went to the playroom and the kids were playing somewhat nicely.. or as nicely as 10-12 Toddlers can play. I was guarding a door and Stacey and Jessica had most of the floor space covered.. but as usual weren't truly paying attention.,. I was busy making sure that noone tried to escape on us.. and my attention was on the kids nearest me.. then it happened.. the same kid as the day before got bit over a walking toy.. argh... I was so upset i had to excuse myself and run to the ladies room so the kids wouldn't see me cry or hear me swear.. composed myself and went back to the playroom to help get the kids back downstairs and tell Patty what had happened.. I was quickly taken to a seperate room and told to wait and then sent to get lunch and go to the other site to wait for the Director to deal with me. It was a LONG wait.. finally at approx 3:30pm I was told that my employment was over. Go back and turn in your stuff. get your belongings and say goodbye to the kidlets..

That was a year ago..

I often wonder about the kids and how they are doing.. most of the kids that were in that room are now Preschoolers .. or have moved away. I think about visiting but know that it would cause a major disruption.. I tried a year ago to get another childcare job but it didn't happen for me.. I'm back to working in an office setting.. which I like but I so miss the kids..

this all doesn't excuse my actions today on a board I frequent.. but it is a part of how my day went today..

Bina's five today..

My niece turned 5 years old today... It's got Auntie feeling teary and hormonal. I still remember Steve calling me at around 10pm to say (over and over) "Hi auntie Cheryl"... and then telling me all her details.. and going into Boston to visit at the hospital the next day... and telling the camera that now that she's a whole day old that she's going to Disney World and that I'd pay if needed. My niece and I have been buddies ever since.. she finally said my name on my 30th Birthday when she was 2... she hasn't stopped yet.. Every time we see each other she usually screams "Auntie" and then runs into my arms.. any time that she spends a night at Grandma's, I spend the night too and the one time that I didn't stay for a night she looked like a lost puppy.. (broke Auntie's heart)

As of today she's 5 (and finally going to Disney on Sunday) and is now a Big Sister to 1 little sister (who loves to tag along with big sister). She shares this special day with her Great Grandma (my Nana) who she is partically named after (nana is 93 today) and loves to spend time with. I love her just as much as I will my own kids and in some ways I consider her part mine (I'm her Godmother) . Happy Birthday Baby... may ALL your dreams come true..

Going to Bonkers

and I didn't go Bonkers... it was actually a nice place for a kid's party. S had her 5th Birthday Party with her friends there. Everyone seemed to have a great time... D loved the carousel and I think she rode it at least 6 times.. and some where right after another.. Amazingly she never got dizzy but learned a newish word (well to Auntie at least) "Horsey" and I think she said "Cheryl" but it was loud and I couldn't really hear her. I can't wait for Wednesday since that is S's actual birthday and I'm going over to the house to celebrate with her, D and their mom and dad. I'm trying not to think about the fact that she is 5 yet. and let's not even think about D turning 2. At least we have 3 more months to contemplate that one. and I need to find a Thomas cake pan.

Knit 1 Purl 2

I finally started my knitting lessons last week.. I seem to have a knack for it or at least that's what my teacher tells me.. I had my 2nd lesson tonight and I learned how to do the Purl stitch, I learned the Knit stitch the 1st week. I've been practicing alot between the lessons. And taking things apart a lot.. I make lots of mistakes but it's ok... I'm still learning. Next week I'll be learning how to possibly do both stitches in the same row... In the meantime I'll still be practicing my knits and purls.

Change is in the air

I can feel it... I can practically taste it... is it the good weather (finally) that has me in a good mood for once or is it something else.. I really don't care what it is.. I know that I feel like a new person.. but there is alot happening around here lately. Our church is possibly getting a new minister, S is turning 5 in a few days (8 more days till her actual birthday), I'm changing religions (that's another post) and there is a slight possibility that I'll be Permanent soon at work. Lee and I are getting more playful together too.. Saturday I unfortunately got into a bit of an argument with him about something that wasn't fair on my part (how his family treats him and how he lets them perceive him and how it upsets me) . Later that night (after a long talk), Lee asked me to sing to him while in bed.. ok I'm not the best singer but I can hold my own. I wound up singing him 2 songs from Jesus Christ Superstar (I Don't Know How To Love Him and Everything's Alright) . Back to my original reason for posting, I found myself practically singing to myself at work today and while on lunch break I found myself actually singing outside IN PUBLIC on the way to the bank and getting my lunch.. I don't know what the heck is going on but I like it..

Do you like ROLLERCOASTERS ?

I love them... Really I do... I love the whole experience... The waiting in line and watching other people enjoying the ride, finally having a turn to get on the ride, that first big STEEP hill that you have to climb to even have enough momentum to get you through the ride. The thrills, the chills, I love it all. Don't get me wrong though, by the time the ride is about done, I'm done too. I want off but I also can't wait to do it all again.. Ok so where the heck is Cheryl going with this very obvious metaphor you ask? Don't worry I'm getting there. I also like Merry Go Rounds.. heck according to my mom it wasn't till the day after her ride on one at 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant with me that I decided enough was enough and I was coming out.
Here's the important , where is she going with this part..
For the past few years (yes years) my life has gone between these two extremes.. the roller coaster and the Merry Go Round. Lately I feel like life has been in Merry Go Round mode.. I'm going round and round in circles and getting nowhere quickly.. no permanent job in sight, things with Lee and I not being the best between us, no babies in my arms (well with the exception of my nieces and my friend's babies). But finally I feel like I'm getting back to the Roller Coaster part of my life.. I'm in the line waiting still to get onto the Roller Coaster but I'm enjoying the scenery and watching other people enjoy the same ride that I can't wait to get on. I know that pretty soon I'll be next to ride the Roller Coaster and that I'll enjoy the ride and that eventually I'll start to scream that I want off but that once off I'll want to get back on the ride again.

Ok to those that are still lost (that is if anyone is reading my blogs), my job situation is starting to look better, I'm learning so many new skills that I know I can use in many ways, I'm also noticing that things between Lee and myself are really good at the moment, and there is a strong possibility that a baby might be in our future sooner than later. So bring on the Roller Coaster, I'm ready, willing and able.