Miscellaneous Stuff

I sometimes hate Sundays.. why you ask? Because it's usually the day of the week that Lee's brother from CA calls in regard to their mom. Lee is usually able to get through the calls and I've taken to listening in on the second line so I have all the information too. After these calls are over though it's a whole different ball of wax and I just don't know what to do anymore for him. I try so hard to be there for him emotionally and hold him while he emotes but it's getting harder and harder and since I've already been down this road with my Nana (and countless other relatives) it breaks my heart too even though I must be strong for Lee. Why must life be so gosh darn hard at times ??? Why can't it be easy answers most of the time? (please don't feel like a response is needed) I hate this road with a passion. I really do. I hate seeing the people that I care about so much hurting. I have this need to make it all better somehow but I know in my heart that I can't fix things with a kiss or a hug. Today it really didn't help that at church the minister asked us to pull up a treasured memory or snapshot of our grandfather. I was practically in tears when I tried to pull up a memory of my Papa (the only grandfather I knew) and with the exception of his death (great 1st memory to have), I came up blank and then my mind slightly wandered to my Dad and how much he'd be loving these babies of mine to be and how he would be one of the greatest grandpas (or Papas) ever. Which then got me thinking about what if anything I'd have to tell my baby girls about their grandfathers (since both of them are gone now). I'm sure that Lee will have his memories and thoughts to share about his dad but I couldn't even begin to think about what I'd say about my dad. Where would I ever start and when the heck would I ever end? I actually think at some point they'd be telling me to stop talking about him. Maybe this is the WHY as to why family and traditions are so big to me. Why I make it such a big deal to spend time with my family (this includes Lee's family) whenever I can. Why I don't mind being the Family Historian and keeping the Family Trees as up to date as I can (I actually worked on it for 2+ hours tonight). I need those connections since I feel that they make me WHO I AM. Heck of a way to define myself.
Maybe I'll just chalk up tonight's tears and woes to the ever present Pregnancy Hormones that are constantly flowing through me lately though that's not much of an excuse.
Guessing that I'm going to need my glass of Sparkling Cider tonight more than I thought.
The Patriots just lost... Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.