Been awhile

I haven't blogged in awhile and I've been meaning to for a while..

So what has been happening in the world of the Ringen ladies lately???

Quite a few things....

A & L started dance lessons and they seem to be going well. They get 30 min of Ballet and then 30 min of Tap. Anna was really into it at first but over time she has started acting up at class so I think she might be dropping it. Lily was the one that I was worried wouldn't like going to dance class but she loves it and loves her teachers there. She seems to be a natural.

I also had my 20 year High School Reunion back in November. I was on the planning committee so it was stressful at times but in the end it seems to have been a great event. The committee has heard basically no complaints so I think we found the right formula for a great night.

Also in November I basically cut off eight (8) inches of my hair off. It looks great but I miss my long hair.. it's only hair and I know that it will grow back soon enough.

Work has been good in that I have gotten extended twice so far and my newest date that it could possibly end is in April but I doubt that would happen since I'm on the front line of doing all the pre-entry of the applications and projects that come in each day. I basically have job security at the moment since the Part D Program is scheduled to open in March and there is another program that we run on a whole year basis so those applications along with the applications for Benefit Verification are always coming in.

The girls joined the Kid Choir at our church and have performed twice already (Thanksgiving service and a Winter service). I think their next performance is in the Spring. They are natural performers, Lily especially (in the clip below she has 2 ponytails and Anna is next to her not really singing much - both girls are in the front row).

 

 

 

Currently we've been waiting for Santa to arrive (it's a hard wait when you are 4.5). I got them an Elf on the Shelf that they named Sophie and she has been appearing in many different places in the apartment. We never know where to find her next, who she'll be with and what she'll be doing.

 

 

I hope to update soon again.. till then, Happy Holidays and Have a Happy New Year. 

One last perusal of the Summer Bucket List for 2012

1. Trip to Franklin Park Zoo.. hopefully on a day when the Giraffes are out. - Done... and we saw the Giraffes
2. Trip to Canobie Lake Park. (will need to happen with friends). Not Done
3. Fly a kite. - DONE as of June 30th. We had a great time and will be doing it again.
4. A Beach trip... another to do with more than one adult  Not Done
5. A trip to a DCR Pool. with more than one adult. Not Done
6. Ride the train to Boston.. hopefully on the Commuter Rail aka the Purple Train  - Done (Orange Line)
7. Trip to Rockport  Not Done
8. Trip into Boston to play at the Frog Pond  Not Done
9. Carousel ride in Boston.. hopefully by the Frog Pond or maybe down by the Rose Kennedy Greenway  Done and the girls had a great time
10. Swan Boat ride  Not Done
11. Children's Museum  Not Done
12. Museum of Science  Not Done
13. Go to the Fourth of July Parade in Wakefield and possibly go see the fireworks show over the Lake in Wakefield. - FAIL... it was too hot and wound up being a stormy night..
14. Breakheart Reservation to play and possibly go swimming  Not Done
15. Go to Richardson's Ice Cream to visit the baby cows (yes i know they are Calves) and get some Ice Cream.  Not Done
16. Mini golf... (maybe at Richardson's though Hago's in Stoneham might be more the girls speed). Not Done
17. Salem Willows.  Not Done

I guess that we can try again next Summer...

Knitting update - FO spotted

FO = Finished Object

I did it.... I finally finished the Feather and Fan blanket that I've been working on since sometime in February of 2010 tonight.. Two years and 7 months later... I didn't work on it all the time over the 2 years and 7 months.. There were plenty of socks and washcloths and other bits of knitting done or worked on during that time. There was also a husband that got sick and passed away and not much knitting happened then..

Want to see it???? Of course you do..

It's so pretty and I love it...

Now I need to figure out what to work on next....

Routines

We are finally getting into some new routines around here.... with my job I need to have a solid routine in the morning and at night with these girls... Our mornings (most of the time) are awake and out of bed at or around 6am.. up to pee, take a shower (just Mommy), get dressed, put on shoes and jackets, grab what we need for the day... head out the door, get in the car to get to Daycare by 8am at the latest.. then taking the train and getting to work by 8:30am..

At night we drink our nightime Apple Juice (laced with Melatonin - dr approved), then put on our Jammies, brush teeth, read a story and then go to bed hopefully no later than 8pm or 8:30pm.

Then there are the routines of things that come up on our calendar that can wreck havoc with the above. Once a month we go to the Library on a Monday night to sing songs with Mother Goose.. the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month we just resumed the Kid Grief group that we attend. On other Wed nights we go to Knitting Group though lately I've had a pair of sitters coming by to watch the girls for me so I can go out by myself... and have 2 hours to myself. We just added Dance Class (Ballet and Tap) on Saturday mornings for the girls.

Somehow I still haven't figured out how to get back to Running Club on Tuesdays, Scrapbooking on Fridays (once a month) or Twin Mom Club (4th Tuesday of the month). Eventually I'll do a few of these again.. I just need time to figure it out..

My Bill of Rights as a Widow...

Bill of Rights for Grief

1. You have the right to take whatever path you take through your grief without judgment.

2. You have the right to ignore or incorporate any or all of the MOUNTAINS of advice you will get.

3. You have the right to say: "No thank you."

4. You have the right to grieve for whatever you have lost, including things you never had but ache for, like phantom limb pain.

5. You have the right to ask people to bring you pizza, not platitudes.

6. You have the right to your own definition of grief. For someone else the loss may have some unknowable reason; it may be a journey, a blessing 'in disguise', bad karma, a teachable moment, part of a plan, a test, a process, a choice. It doesn't have to be any of those things for you. It can simply be where you are at the time. Or it can be senseless, stupid, meaningless and profoundly awful.

7. You have the right not to be grateful, reasonable, inspired or inspiring.

8. You have the right not to feel or believe or be comforted by any of the following: "he's in a better place; his work here was done; she's in your heart; it's a blessing; it's no one's fault; time heals all wounds; you'll find a new one; it could have been worse."

9. You have the right to buzz around, filling your life with activities and people so you don't have to feel a thing.

10. You have the right to feel what you can feel when you can feel it. Be numb when you are numb. Seek comfort when you can stand to. Sometimes the deep fog of grief can make all intimacy too painful - any feelings unbearable. You have the right not to bear them even when everyone around you says you MUST FEEL YOUR FEELINGS OR YOU WILL NEVER MOVE ON.

11. You have the right not to "move on."

12. You have the right to ungodly, ugly, blind rage.

13. You have the right to feel complete, utter hoplessness and despair, and to say – out loud – over and over, that it will never get better, you will never feel better – without everyone shushing you.

14. You have the right to eat or sing or say whatever you want.

15. You have the right to be inalterably changed. The person you were before the death of your loved one is gone. You are now someone else. You don't know who yet. It's your right to find out.

16. You have the right to experience the many tricky, shape-shifting forms grief takes in whatever order you experience them: Here it looks like rage. There it takes the shape of obsession. It has many forms. They are all true. They are all lies.

17. You have the right to stay where you are. Sometimes there are no signs at all and you are moving through grief's darkest depths without knowing it. It's like starting on the bottom floor of an elevator in the deepest core of the earth. Each floor you go up, the doors open, only to reveal more darkness. It all looks and feels the same, but it is not. You are moving toward where you need to be.

18. You have the right to self-pity, selfishness, self-loathing, self-awareness. You have the right to be YOURSELF. Deep grief is a profoundly lonely experience, and yet, it binds us all. We all walk beside you, which will give you comfort when you are ready.

Questions from Anna

Anna is my inquisitive child... she likes to ask questions all the time. Lately she's been asking questions about my jewelry... Today it was about my wedding rings that I am still wearing. She wanted to know where I got them... I told her that Daddy gave them to me. She then asked about my heart necklace (a locket with the word Mom on it) and I told her that she and Lily gave me that. Then she asked about my necklace with the letter C on it and the big circle (Lee's wedding ring). I told her that Daddy gave me the necklace and that when he died that I asked for his ring. That seemed to satisfy her for today.

I've been thinking about my jewlery quite a bit myself lately.. I'd been considering taking off my wedding rings (not that I no longer love Lee or that I'm ready to date at all) but then the other day Anna noticed that I didn't have them on yet (i take them off at night mostly since I'm afraid of scratching myself with them).. so she asked and I went and got them from the spot that i put them each night. She helped me put them on and then gave me a big smile and said to me... Now you're Mommy again. It made me smile. That very simple little sentence made me realize that for now I can't really take the rings off yet. That to her they are part of me. That I wear rings that Daddy gave me a long time ago makes me her mom in her mind. It might be even less simple than that for her but for now I'm happy to wear them. I actually don't want to take them off.. it makes things easier. They are such a part of me that I actually feel weird not having them on. It's like a part of Lee is still with me somehow.

Three weeks later....

So it's been 3 weeks since I have blogged.. I know I know you didn't miss me at all... but I've missed writing here. I started my newest adventure... a new job at Genzyme in Cambridge, MA  I'm doing Data Entry for the RenAssist program. Genzyme provides drugs for patients who are on Hemodialysis mostly due to End Stage Renal Disease or Cronic Kidney Disease. I've been there for 2 weeks so far and I like it... there's quite a bit to learn. Currently I've been entering Part D applications (applications from patients with Part D Medicare insurance) and Dailies - which are patients that are trying to verify that they have coverage..  I also get to do projects and have done 3 already in the 2 weeks that I've been there.

Anna and Lily have been doing great with the new routine that we've had to adopt so that I can get to work on time. I've actually been early by 15 minutes almost everyday. My mom has been very helpful in getting the girls for me from daycare most days and bringing them home for me or to her house for dinner till I can get home.

Two weeks ago the girls and I attended our second Camp Stepping Stones, which is a camp that is put together by the Center for Grief and Healing that is affliliated with the Hospice that Lee was at when he died. This year the girls seemed to have a really great time. They knew what to expect and made all sorts of arts and crafts projects this year. They also got some time to go swimming and have some pet therapy with Miniature Ponies. Meanwhile I attended a couple of presentations on helping the girls with their grief, got a massage, did some art projects of my own and attended 2 workshops. I'm looking very forward to getting the picture CD in the mail this year since I know that they took a ton of pictures of my girls during their activities.

Sometimes Life Sucks

Friends of ours from church got some not so good news last week. Their precious little girl , age 5, wasn't feeling well and they did what all parents do.. they took her to the hospital to be checked out. They got the diagnosis of Leukemia and she is now over at a wonderful hospital in the Boston area and has been told that she has the best type to have with a really great survival rate of almost 90%.

My heart keeps breaking for her and her family. I keep looking at my girls and thinking about how I'd be coping if something ever were to happen to my girls.. I know that I'd be devastated, heartbroken and not doing well. The same feelings I had just about 15-16 months ago when Lee was going through the last weeks of his life. My friends (the mom and dad) seem to be coping well so far. Yet I know that they are probably thinking "Why us?" "why now?". I'm trying my best to be supportive and since their daughters (they have twins also) are friends with my girls, I'm trying my best to discuss this situation with Anna and Lily in terms that they will understand. They know that C is in the hospital and would love to hear from them so this morning we got out some paper and markers and drew some pictures and mailed them off.

Lily was rather cute when I was telling her about C. She realizes that Daddy was in a hospital when he died and recently saw some pictures of me in the hospital when I was giving birth and asked me if I went to the hospital to die like Daddy.. so when we had the discussion about C, I made sure to tell her that C will be coming back to her home and that eventually we will get to play with her again but we will need to be careful with her. She seemed to understand but at the same time was asking why Daddy didn't get to come home too and wanted to go visit C to give her a big hug and get the monsters off her. I told her that we can't visit her right now but maybe once she is home and can have friends over.

Update on the Bucket List for Summer

Here's what I wrote a couple of weeks ago...

1. Trip to Franklin Park Zoo.. hopefully on a day when the Giraffes are out. - Going Tomorrow... can't wait.
2. Trip to Canobie Lake Park. (will need to happen with friends).
3. Fly a kite. - DONE as of June 30th. We had a great time and will be doing it again.
4. A Beach trip... another to do with more than one adult
5. A trip to a DCR Pool. with more than one adult.
6. Ride the train to Boston.. hopefully on the Commuter Rail aka the Purple Train
7. Trip to Rockport
8. Trip into Boston to play at the Frog Pond
9. Carousel ride in Boston.. hopefully by the Frog Pond or maybe down by the Rose Kennedy Greenway
10. Swan Boat ride
11. Children's Museum
12. Museum of Science
13. Go to the Fourth of July Parade in Wakefield and possibly go see the fireworks show over the Lake in Wakefield. - FAIL... it was too hot and wound up being a stormy night..
14. Breakheart Reservation to play and possibly go swimming
15. Go to Richardson's Ice Cream to visit the baby cows (yes i know they are Calves) and get some Ice Cream.
16. Mini golf... (maybe at Richardson's though Hago's in Stoneham might be more the girls speed).
17. Salem Willows.

Make New Friends

We were both at the park today.. and we just happened to be chatting and she mentioned that she's a widow.. "Me too" I said and boom we were off to the races talking about our experiences.

 Her husband died in a freak plane accident in October. He was the pilot of a plane that crashed into a soccer field. Thankfully without anyone on the field and he and his passenger passed quickly.

Unfortunately she's not from this area and is visiting / staying with her sister who lives here.. she was at the park with her 3 nephews and her younger son.

It was nice to talk to someone who gets it... who totally understands what we go through and how we get treated as widows. I wish that we could have talked longer but all the kiddos were getting tired and needed to head on back to our homes.

I hope to run into her again before she heads back home..

(originally written on June 17th)..

A Summer Bucket List

I'm trying something new this summer... I'm making a Bucket List for the Summer. All sorts of fun adventures for the girls and I to do on our own or with friends.. Not sure if we will get to most of the list but I bet that we'll have some fun trying..

In no particular order....

1. Trip to Franklin Park Zoo.. hopefully on a day when the Giraffes are out.
2. Trip to Canobie Lake Park. (will need to happen with friends).
3. Fly a kite.
4. A Beach trip... another to do with more than one adult
5. A trip to a DCR Pool. with more than one adult.
6. Ride the train to Boston.. hopefully on the Commuter Rail aka the Purple Train
7. Trip to Rockport
8. Trip into Boston to play at the Frog Pond
9. Carousel ride in Boston.. hopefully by the Frog Pond or maybe down by the Rose Kennedy Greenway
10. Swan Boat ride
11. Children's Museum
12. Museum of Science
13. Go to the Fourth of July Parade in Wakefield and possibly go see the fireworks show over the Lake in Wakefield.
14. Breakheart Reservation to play and possibly go swimming
15. Go to Richardson's Ice Cream to visit the baby cows (yes i know they are Calves) and get some Ice Cream.
16. Mini golf... (maybe at Richardson's though Hago's in Stoneham might be more the girls speed).
17. Salem Willows.

Diapers Done!

The diapers are gone... none during the day and none at night.. I also removed all temptation and gave away the diapers that I still had to the Family Network that we frequent. I am so proud of and amazed by Lily. She has become such a big kid lately. She still loves to be held and cuddled and likes to sleep in my bed (I find her with me in the mornings quite often). We've had a few accidents here and there but for the most part all the small people that live here are able to get to the potty when needed or prompted and do what they need to do to get things done. Life is getting easier though it's minorly stressful when we go to new places and need to find the bathrooms before there is a need for their use.

What else is going on here? Not much. I'm slowly going through all our stuff. I boxed up more of Lee's clothing (his t-shirts) and am planning on donating them soon. I saved a few that I couldn't part with at all. I also need to make a phone call to a book donation place for a pick up. I have 9 boxes of books for them to pick up and many more to go through still which includes my own books that I'm no longer reading or want.

Better weather is here so we've been starting to spend more time outside playing.. I love this so much for many reasons. The best one is that we get to run off our energy and that makes everyone happier and sometimes sleepier and ready for bed quicker (though not always).



Last weekend we went to visit the Firefighters in Melrose at the Fire Station and had a great time learning about being safe and getting a chance to explore the firetruck and the ambulance that they had available for us to explore.

We also went to the local Lake and attended a Festival that was going on there. It was fun and the girls had a great time bouncing on the Moon Bounce and playing some of the games that were available for playing.

 



Anna



Lily

 

This weekend we went to a Park that I'd not gone to before and had fun playing in the playground area and also finding the barn animals (when we needed to locate the bathroom in a hurry). The girls had a great time and seemed to make some new friends (some of which are kids of my twin mom friends). I think we'll be possibly go there again.



Success

I'm declaring it... Lily is potty trained. Not for night time.. that will take a bit longer but she is trained during the day. She wears panties everyday (so glad that I have a drawer full of panties) just like Anna. We celebrated today by getting her a Potty Prize. I carefully steered her to the Calico Critters set that she liked a few weeks ago and then made her peruse the store before making her final choice of a prize (the Calico Critters set and a pair of Calico Critter Cow Twins). We wound up at the Bagel shop and ran into 2 sets of friends.. while there Lily told me that the Poopies were coming (uh oh) but she did great and made it to the potty in time. She had no accidents all day and continued peeing on the potty whenever she told me that she needed to go. So proud of her.

I'm sure that Lee would be proud of her too. We are slowly adjusting still 13 months later. Tomorrow he would have been 53 years old. Doesn't seem possible at all. Last weekend was Anna and Lily's 4th birthday. Last year I was in panic mode for the whole day of the party and felt like I could have used some sort of medication to get through the day. This year I felt more in control and sure of myself and my ability to make it through. My cousin even commented to me that I was doing it and doing it well.. I agreed with her but commented back to that even though I was doing it, it didn't make any of it suck any less.

So lots of success going on here.. from going pee and poop on the potty to getting through the tougher dates on the calendar without my best friend.

Inside Lily's Mind

Lily fascinates me... I love watching her play and seeing how she does things. Tonight for example, we were getting ready for bed and she started out trying to sleep on my lap while I attempted to watch TV.. Anna (possibly bored but more likely worn out from the outside playtime we had today) passed out on the floor at an acceptable time. Lily tried to go to sleep but like most Mommies she just couldn't rest.. Her babies (3) needed to be wrapped in blankets and then put into the baby beds we have (2) and I had to pinch hit a basket and make it into a bed that would be acceptable. Then the beds and babies had to be lined up near Lily after they all got a goodnight kiss from her. When I told Lily to try sleeping in Mommy's bed, she physically moved all 3 baby beds into my room and then got herself settled. Once she fell asleep I moved her and all 3 baby beds to her bed. Hopefully if she wakes in the night she'll see that her babies are nearby and she'll stay in her room and bed tonight.

Another example of how her brain works.. I've been working on getting her to Potty Train. I've been noticing that she can do it.. she just gets really lazy and would rather pee in a Pull Up than get up from her fun and go to the bathroom to pee. So I noticed a pattern.. if she was wearing panties, she does great staying dry and will go to the potty. If she is wearing a Pull Up, she will just pee and not care or even try to go potty. So today I put her in a Pull Up for church and she revolted, she wanted panties.. not a Pull Up. Thankfully I had plenty of panties with me so I quickly changed her and she did great. Stayed dry and even had no problems when we went to the park for almost 2 hours after church and then went to get a quick lunch down the street from our apartment (and we walked there and back). She even stayed dry after telling me that she needed to go Pee... and that Pee Pee is coming. There were maybe a few drops on her panties and pants but she did great on making it to the potty in time. Yesterday she was even able to tell me that she needed to Poop and actually pooped on the potty. She's making the connections.. finally.. I can't wait to bring her to daycare tomorrow so we can tell her teacher.

Knitting Update

I know it's been a while since I gave an update on my knitting endeavors.. I'm currently working on a blanket that had been put on the back burner for a while. I'm doing my best to get it worked on so I can actually use it somehow. It's a Feather and Fan dishcloth pattern that I found on the inside label of a skein of yarn and that I really liked quite a bit and thought that I could somehow expand into the size of a blanket.

I've had very little time to work on it and lately when I do it's only been a couple rows at a time which is very frustrating. So when I figured out that I was going to have quite a bit of time during a Women's Retreat with my church this weekend, I jumped on the chance to bring my knitting with me and to knit as much as I could. I was able to finsh my 3rd set of 10 repeats of the 6 rows that make the pattern emerge. I have one more set of 10 repeats to go before I knit the first two rows again in order to end the knitting and cast off.

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

I swear we went from Fall to Winter to Summer this year and totally skipped Spring.. There was very little snow this year at all which I was very happy about.. and the month of March started out way too warm for my liking.. Even now in April it's too warm and I really don't want to start pulling out the A/C units yet..

I'm not ready yet for this type of weather.. I rather enjoy the heat but not yet.. give me another month or two before we hit temps in the 80's.

The girls are loving the warm weather.. no jackets for them and that gets us out the door faster.

A Letter

(ok I'm the one actually writing but I think these are things that the girls might say)

Dear Daddy,

Where are you? We miss you. Mommy says that you were sick and died.. so that's what we tell everyone we see sometimes. It's been a long year without you here. Mommy cries alot cause she's sad that you died. We do lots of new things now.. Anna pees and poops on the potty and Lily tries hard to use the potty but will get there soon. We're not babies anymore. We are BIG GIRLS. We like to watch Dora and Diego and Yo Gabba Gabba a lot and we really like Fresh Beat Band too. We like to dance and be silly and get into all sorts of stuff. We sleep with Mommy sometimes at night.. We have big kid beds now.. no more cribs for us. Cribs are for babies.. We like watching movies of you from when we went to California to see Grandma Ringen.


Hi Daddy,

How are you doing ? I love you. Adios. I made a rock today at Grief Group. My Mom's using the computer. I'm drinking Chocolate Milk. It's yummy. Happy Valentine's Day. I have a mushroom.

Love, Anna. (Anna's actual thoughts).

Thoughts

Just thinking today... hard to think that a year ago is when I talked to Lee's doctor at MGH and she told me what was happening and what could happen. She was so kind to me... explaining everything and answering all my questions. She even took the numbers for Lee's brothers so that she could help with those phone calls. It still amazes me that they came out so quickly to see Lee and be here for us.

I also was watching the girls today while they were playing and noticed how well they (usually) play together. How big they are getting.. they aren't my babies anymore.. they are getting taller and wiser and are so smart. I try not to blink too much these days since I don't want to miss a moment of this time with them. Their personalities are really blossoming lately and they have been doing and saying so many funny things.

One Year Later

I'm posting this 2 weeks early... then again the world officially cracked on March 28th 2011 and was folllowed by the worst 2 weeks ever.. I still remember the details of each day that Lee was in the hospital and eventually the Hospice. I remember so much. Sometimes it doesn't feel real still. Like I'm going to wake up someday and it will all be some really awful dream that happened and that Lee will be here next to me still. Or that someone is going to reveal that this was all some really elaborate April Fool joke. I know the reality. I know that Lee really is gone. That it's all up to me now to raise these girls of mine. I can do it.. I've been doing it for almost a year now. I just sometimes wish that Lee was here to see how big the girls are getting and how well they are doing. We miss him so much..

Cut....

I finally cut Lily's hair... Personally I think she's so adorable.. even more so now...

Lily Before...

Lily After..

The ends need a professional's touch but not bad for a quick trim via Mom and Grandma.

I love this Quote

So much that I think I've shared it a couple of times on my Facebook page.. but it's so true.. at least for me.

The List... Do you have one?

Not exactly a bucket list... but I have a list somewhere around here that Lee and I made years ago.. It has all sorts of things on it. Things that we wanted to do at some point.. obviously we didn't get to do much of it.. When I next see it I might see if there are things on it that I still want to do or take the girls to do with me.

I also have another list.. it's a sentimental one so feel free to hit the back button to avoid it.. I won't be upset.

This list has the things that I miss about Lee after I read an article in the back of the Boston Sunday Globe Magazine yesterday while eating my lunch about Valentine traditions (or something like that).. This list is filled with inane stuff like
how Lee would kiss the back of my neck and how much I loved it and how I would cry out that I was unbalanced (he'd kiss one side and then after I complained he'd kiss the opposite side).
It also has the term Bedpiggy on it since one of us would somehow take over the entire bed and the other person would call the bed hoarder a Bedpiggy.
Impromptu trips that he'd throw together for us.. I think the last one took us to Revere Beach after midnight in March (or was it February) while I was pregnant with the girls.
The year that for Valentine's Day Lee made me pink milkshakes.. not a strawberry milkshake but a vanilla milkshake with red food coloring to make it pink.
That he remembered how important the dates of February 14th and February 23rd are to me and that he would celebrate both with me every year ( we kissed on the 14th and started to seriously date on the 23rd).
That he could make me laugh all the time. Seriously all he had to do was look at me and point his finger at me and I would burst into a fit of laughter. Not sure how he ever did that..

It truly was the little things that made our relationship special. I doubt that I could ever find anyone else that would care enough to do all these things (and more that I'm sure I'll remember later) for and with me and not complain (too much).

Baby steps of Progress

Not sure how or why but somehow a switch got flipped this week with Lily.. it happened on Tuesday... I took her to daycare as usual and when I got home from work, she had transformed from a Baby who wears Diapers into a Big Girl who wears Panties.. cause I got flashed by Miss Lily and her underpants.. since Tuesday night she's been wearing panties during the daytime (and using the Potty) and Night diapers at Night (she hasn't exactly mastered the staying dry during the night yet). We've been doing so much celebrating when Lily makes it to the potty in time and reminding her that accidents happen when she forgets or doesn't make it in time.

Stalled

Feeling stalled lately... here at the blog especially... one thing that hasn't been stalled much lately is time. It's February already... In just over 3 months my babies are going to be Four Years Old (or as Anna likes to tell me 100).

Speaking of the passage of time.. I came across 2 pictures from the girls' first day at EI back in July 2010.. and a picture from their last day in May 2011 and to me they look like babies compared to now...

Anna: July 2010 First Day of EI

Lily: July 2010 First Day of EI

Anna and Lily : May 2011 (last day of EI) with 2 of their teachers.

I also feel a little stalled with Lily's progress on the Potty.. she's not trained yet.. She will use it but just prefers wearing her PullUps. I know that she'll eventually get there and do it on her own terms (like everything else she does) and won't be attending Kindergarten wearing PullUps still, but somedays I highly doubt that she will ever be Potty Trained. I need to figure out her currency (perhaps a new doll accessory or Calico Critter) and then she will hopefully train in order to get it.

Washcloth Production Time

I swore I wasn't going to start any new knitting projects. I was going to get through the 2 (two) blankets that I already have on needles and make myself wait to start anything new. That is so not happening since I'm getting tired of the blankets even though I did do 4 rows of the blanket that is destined to be for Anna and Lily.. before I decided I needed a new chart to do my check offs on and rather than finding the book that I made the copy I was working off of i made myself type out the directions and made myself a table with all the rows that I had already done checked off already while the girls took a small nap this afternoon and I caught up on some tv shows that I like and haven't watched in a week or so.

Back to the new project though... I'm making a couple of new washcloths for the girls that have a Butterfly design on them. I'm already just about half way through the first one. Thankfully they go quickly once you get going. Maybe I'll do some Ducky ones too since they are in the same book as the Butterfly ones. I might have enough yarn already for these projects though one of my knitting friends sent me an email that the yarn I use for them is on sale this week. I'm trying to resist the urge. Sometimes resistance is futile though..

I now Mispronounce you...

For quite some time now the girls have been mispronouncing many many words and I thought I'd take a moment to review a few of the new ones..

Mommy I want to go on that branch... Anna at the Zoo wanting to cross a Bridge..

Mommy I need to listen to the mucus... Anna wanting some music

I want to show this to my peach ture... Lily wanting to show many things to her teacher

and back when they started talking... Momma.. s*it... Momma Sit.. that one was hard to figure out till they started patting my chair since I was busy trying to figure out who taught them to swear.

I actually enjoy trying to figure out what they are telling me though sometimes I need a context clue to help me get it.

A look back

A New Year is here.... finally...

I can probably sum up my feelings for 2011 in just 2 words... It Sucked..
I spent the majority of it in tears and doing things that I never dreamed I'd have the strength to do. Things that I will be doing for the rest of my life.

I said Goodbye to Nana for the last time in January.. and hoped and prayed that I wouldn't have to do that again any time soon.. someone else had other plans for me. Three months later I said Goodbye to the love of my life... a couple decades earlier than I ever thought I would.. thankfully I didn't need to do any more till November when my MIL died also.

2011 wasn't all bad.. I learned that I could lean on my friends no matter what and that they will be there for me... I gained some new friends (mostly widows).. and once I regained my balance.. the knowledge that I am a very strong and resilient person (though I still cry alot)..

I am glad that 2011 is over... I'm not exactly looking forward to 2012 (or any year without Lee in it) but I'll make the best of the situation that I am in and keep going.