Hard Day

Today I was driving the girls to school and listening to a DVD and thinking about Lee and I started crying. The girls noticed and told me that "it ok Mommy" and "you ok Mommy?" .... Anna really got me with her statement of "Mommy when Daddy back he make you happy.." I tried to tell her that Daddy isn't coming back ever. It's a hard concept to understand when you are 3 years old... and it doesn't seem to get any easier to understand when you are 37 either.





I was a puddle of tears for alot of today. I couldn't help thinking about how today was the day that the cemetary had told me that his marker would be installed. I didn't go up today.. I thought about it but decided not to go just in case I went up before it actually got installed and was disappointed. I hope to go up on Wednesday.. hopefully with some flowers.. on my own. I keep thinking I should bring my mom or my minister with me but part of me just wants the private time with him. To know that this really is my reality... that Lee really is gone... forever and ever. That we won't be growing older together like we thought we would. That is one of the harder things for me: That I'm going to be alone.