For the first time in awhile my threats worked... I told them that they needed to go to sleep so that we can get up early and go to the Zoo tomorrow. They both fell asleep easily tonight.. I think it more has to do with that we are going to a new daycare and that the new provider is able to not nap the girls for me in the afternoon which is making our nights here much easier.. Everyone is well rested for once.. well maybe not the mommy but I can catch up every so often.
I wasn't sure that I'd even get to this point and heck we still have some nights that aren't that great and I want to pawn them off to someone else to deal with. It's finally getting somewhat easier to do this alone. I don't need to ask people to come over to help get them to sleep. I also don't need to call people because I am unable to deal with the process of getting them to sleep. We are finally starting to find a new normal. Well at least at bedtime. There is still quite a bit of fighting going on (that never leaves I'm guessing) and lately they are asking more for Lee. Anna has even gone so far as to tell me that she talked to Daddy last night. Today she told me about going on the airplane with Daddy (we went to CA in Sept '10) and me (Mommy) and Lily.
Maybe I can wrap my brain around trying to get them to go Potty soon. Since that seems to be the next big hurdle to work on and conquer with both of them.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Miss You So Much
Dear Lee,
It's been 3 months a week and 2 days since you passed away and I miss you every single day... I miss your crazy ideas, your chats with me at night after a long day (even before the girls arrived), cuddling in bed with you and the girls every so often. I miss how you'd ask me to rub your back and check for bumps but somehow never usually got around to doing the same for me. The random pictures that would just appear on my camera of the girls that I know I never took. I miss belting out Beatles songs with you, making you dance with me around the apartment every so often - you really didn't like when I asked.. but did it anyway to make me happy. I miss mini-golfing with you. The surprises that you would get for me just because.. our trips.. especially the ones that you would plan out and not tell me about until we were in the car. I miss the trips to the grocery store with the girls in tow and how you would push them around the store proud as could be when they still fit in the infant carseats and we used the double snap and go to get around. I don't miss the arguments that we would have. Though I do miss having someone to vent about Life and my mother too. I miss your point of view on the world.. you really made me think.. I miss all these things about you.. but most of all I miss YOU.. My rock, my best friend, my partner in crime. If it were up to me, you'd still be here and you would be perfectly healthy and dry. I'm probably being selfish but there are so many days that I just can't get through alone.. I wasn't meant to raise these girls alone.. It's taking a huge village already and sometimes I feel like I am the village idiot and everyone is just waiting for me to mess up royally. Somehow I am doing this though... I wish I knew how. Someday I hope to see you again once I eventually get to where ever it is that you are. I need to go now..Lily and Anna need me..
Love you forever,
Cheryl.
It's been 3 months a week and 2 days since you passed away and I miss you every single day... I miss your crazy ideas, your chats with me at night after a long day (even before the girls arrived), cuddling in bed with you and the girls every so often. I miss how you'd ask me to rub your back and check for bumps but somehow never usually got around to doing the same for me. The random pictures that would just appear on my camera of the girls that I know I never took. I miss belting out Beatles songs with you, making you dance with me around the apartment every so often - you really didn't like when I asked.. but did it anyway to make me happy. I miss mini-golfing with you. The surprises that you would get for me just because.. our trips.. especially the ones that you would plan out and not tell me about until we were in the car. I miss the trips to the grocery store with the girls in tow and how you would push them around the store proud as could be when they still fit in the infant carseats and we used the double snap and go to get around. I don't miss the arguments that we would have. Though I do miss having someone to vent about Life and my mother too. I miss your point of view on the world.. you really made me think.. I miss all these things about you.. but most of all I miss YOU.. My rock, my best friend, my partner in crime. If it were up to me, you'd still be here and you would be perfectly healthy and dry. I'm probably being selfish but there are so many days that I just can't get through alone.. I wasn't meant to raise these girls alone.. It's taking a huge village already and sometimes I feel like I am the village idiot and everyone is just waiting for me to mess up royally. Somehow I am doing this though... I wish I knew how. Someday I hope to see you again once I eventually get to where ever it is that you are. I need to go now..Lily and Anna need me..
Love you forever,
Cheryl.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Small updates
Life is crazy here... we just switched to a new daycare and thankfully there are no naps for Big Girls and so far so good.. they also seem to like the new place too.
My anklet socks are moving and grooving along.. I got the entire heel flap done today on the first sock.. hopefully (before I go to knitting tomorrow) I'll be able to turn the heel. If that happens I'll be so happy..
I also cut my hair... I have no clue how much of it came off but it feels so much lighter.. I almost feel like a new person.. or at least one that hasn't had to go through as much as I have lately.
The biggest change... at least in my mind... is that Lee's marker is being installed this week. I'm not exactly a fan of this change because it means that Lee being gone is real and I really don't want it to be real. I want him back with a passion. I want that to still be an option.. even though I know that it isn't an option at all. The girls keep asking about Daddy and saying that they want him... I feel like a robot saying that Daddy isn't here anymore... they can now add the part about how Daddy was very very sick and then he died all on their own...
My anklet socks are moving and grooving along.. I got the entire heel flap done today on the first sock.. hopefully (before I go to knitting tomorrow) I'll be able to turn the heel. If that happens I'll be so happy..
I also cut my hair... I have no clue how much of it came off but it feels so much lighter.. I almost feel like a new person.. or at least one that hasn't had to go through as much as I have lately.
The biggest change... at least in my mind... is that Lee's marker is being installed this week. I'm not exactly a fan of this change because it means that Lee being gone is real and I really don't want it to be real. I want him back with a passion. I want that to still be an option.. even though I know that it isn't an option at all. The girls keep asking about Daddy and saying that they want him... I feel like a robot saying that Daddy isn't here anymore... they can now add the part about how Daddy was very very sick and then he died all on their own...
I wonder if someday I will wake up and have him next to me again... and this will all just be a really bad dream.. I so wish it could be that simple... that I could chat with him again. We used to have some really great late night chats. Guess I'll chalk it up as another thing that I'll miss about him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
