Success

I'm declaring it... Lily is potty trained. Not for night time.. that will take a bit longer but she is trained during the day. She wears panties everyday (so glad that I have a drawer full of panties) just like Anna. We celebrated today by getting her a Potty Prize. I carefully steered her to the Calico Critters set that she liked a few weeks ago and then made her peruse the store before making her final choice of a prize (the Calico Critters set and a pair of Calico Critter Cow Twins). We wound up at the Bagel shop and ran into 2 sets of friends.. while there Lily told me that the Poopies were coming (uh oh) but she did great and made it to the potty in time. She had no accidents all day and continued peeing on the potty whenever she told me that she needed to go. So proud of her.

I'm sure that Lee would be proud of her too. We are slowly adjusting still 13 months later. Tomorrow he would have been 53 years old. Doesn't seem possible at all. Last weekend was Anna and Lily's 4th birthday. Last year I was in panic mode for the whole day of the party and felt like I could have used some sort of medication to get through the day. This year I felt more in control and sure of myself and my ability to make it through. My cousin even commented to me that I was doing it and doing it well.. I agreed with her but commented back to that even though I was doing it, it didn't make any of it suck any less.

So lots of success going on here.. from going pee and poop on the potty to getting through the tougher dates on the calendar without my best friend.

Inside Lily's Mind

Lily fascinates me... I love watching her play and seeing how she does things. Tonight for example, we were getting ready for bed and she started out trying to sleep on my lap while I attempted to watch TV.. Anna (possibly bored but more likely worn out from the outside playtime we had today) passed out on the floor at an acceptable time. Lily tried to go to sleep but like most Mommies she just couldn't rest.. Her babies (3) needed to be wrapped in blankets and then put into the baby beds we have (2) and I had to pinch hit a basket and make it into a bed that would be acceptable. Then the beds and babies had to be lined up near Lily after they all got a goodnight kiss from her. When I told Lily to try sleeping in Mommy's bed, she physically moved all 3 baby beds into my room and then got herself settled. Once she fell asleep I moved her and all 3 baby beds to her bed. Hopefully if she wakes in the night she'll see that her babies are nearby and she'll stay in her room and bed tonight.

Another example of how her brain works.. I've been working on getting her to Potty Train. I've been noticing that she can do it.. she just gets really lazy and would rather pee in a Pull Up than get up from her fun and go to the bathroom to pee. So I noticed a pattern.. if she was wearing panties, she does great staying dry and will go to the potty. If she is wearing a Pull Up, she will just pee and not care or even try to go potty. So today I put her in a Pull Up for church and she revolted, she wanted panties.. not a Pull Up. Thankfully I had plenty of panties with me so I quickly changed her and she did great. Stayed dry and even had no problems when we went to the park for almost 2 hours after church and then went to get a quick lunch down the street from our apartment (and we walked there and back). She even stayed dry after telling me that she needed to go Pee... and that Pee Pee is coming. There were maybe a few drops on her panties and pants but she did great on making it to the potty in time. Yesterday she was even able to tell me that she needed to Poop and actually pooped on the potty. She's making the connections.. finally.. I can't wait to bring her to daycare tomorrow so we can tell her teacher.

Knitting Update

I know it's been a while since I gave an update on my knitting endeavors.. I'm currently working on a blanket that had been put on the back burner for a while. I'm doing my best to get it worked on so I can actually use it somehow. It's a Feather and Fan dishcloth pattern that I found on the inside label of a skein of yarn and that I really liked quite a bit and thought that I could somehow expand into the size of a blanket.

I've had very little time to work on it and lately when I do it's only been a couple rows at a time which is very frustrating. So when I figured out that I was going to have quite a bit of time during a Women's Retreat with my church this weekend, I jumped on the chance to bring my knitting with me and to knit as much as I could. I was able to finsh my 3rd set of 10 repeats of the 6 rows that make the pattern emerge. I have one more set of 10 repeats to go before I knit the first two rows again in order to end the knitting and cast off.

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

I swear we went from Fall to Winter to Summer this year and totally skipped Spring.. There was very little snow this year at all which I was very happy about.. and the month of March started out way too warm for my liking.. Even now in April it's too warm and I really don't want to start pulling out the A/C units yet..

I'm not ready yet for this type of weather.. I rather enjoy the heat but not yet.. give me another month or two before we hit temps in the 80's.

The girls are loving the warm weather.. no jackets for them and that gets us out the door faster.

A Letter

(ok I'm the one actually writing but I think these are things that the girls might say)

Dear Daddy,

Where are you? We miss you. Mommy says that you were sick and died.. so that's what we tell everyone we see sometimes. It's been a long year without you here. Mommy cries alot cause she's sad that you died. We do lots of new things now.. Anna pees and poops on the potty and Lily tries hard to use the potty but will get there soon. We're not babies anymore. We are BIG GIRLS. We like to watch Dora and Diego and Yo Gabba Gabba a lot and we really like Fresh Beat Band too. We like to dance and be silly and get into all sorts of stuff. We sleep with Mommy sometimes at night.. We have big kid beds now.. no more cribs for us. Cribs are for babies.. We like watching movies of you from when we went to California to see Grandma Ringen.


Hi Daddy,

How are you doing ? I love you. Adios. I made a rock today at Grief Group. My Mom's using the computer. I'm drinking Chocolate Milk. It's yummy. Happy Valentine's Day. I have a mushroom.

Love, Anna. (Anna's actual thoughts).

Thoughts

Just thinking today... hard to think that a year ago is when I talked to Lee's doctor at MGH and she told me what was happening and what could happen. She was so kind to me... explaining everything and answering all my questions. She even took the numbers for Lee's brothers so that she could help with those phone calls. It still amazes me that they came out so quickly to see Lee and be here for us.

I also was watching the girls today while they were playing and noticed how well they (usually) play together. How big they are getting.. they aren't my babies anymore.. they are getting taller and wiser and are so smart. I try not to blink too much these days since I don't want to miss a moment of this time with them. Their personalities are really blossoming lately and they have been doing and saying so many funny things.

One Year Later

I'm posting this 2 weeks early... then again the world officially cracked on March 28th 2011 and was folllowed by the worst 2 weeks ever.. I still remember the details of each day that Lee was in the hospital and eventually the Hospice. I remember so much. Sometimes it doesn't feel real still. Like I'm going to wake up someday and it will all be some really awful dream that happened and that Lee will be here next to me still. Or that someone is going to reveal that this was all some really elaborate April Fool joke. I know the reality. I know that Lee really is gone. That it's all up to me now to raise these girls of mine. I can do it.. I've been doing it for almost a year now. I just sometimes wish that Lee was here to see how big the girls are getting and how well they are doing. We miss him so much..