Untitled Again

I love reading books and as of late I haven't really had a lot of time for that.. though one of my favorite authors has recently come out with 3 more books in a series that she writes.. so i bought them and have been reading them.. I'm currently on the last one. The main character has just found out that she has Ovarian Cancer and her romantic interest in the book has just married her and told her that He will be with her for better or worse, in sickness and in health.. bla bla bla. and during the ceremony scene he looked at her and said Forever.. and it's hitting home so much for me.. I was supposed to have forever also... why didn't I get that? I did get 18 years of Love... 12 years of wedded bliss ... 2 years and 11 months of being parents together to our beautiful girls.. It's so NOT FAIR... Am I being punished for something I did when I was younger by the big guy upstairs? Or is it some stupid Cosmic thing that I don't yet know about or understand? I feel so freaking selfish lately.. such a freaking drama queen if you want to go that far. A friend of mine last night told me that it will get alot worse before it gets better.. I'm only at the almost 2 month mark and she was telling me that from 4 to 6 months is really bad and then it will get better. I guess it's good that she told me... since I really don't remember much from when Dad died 10 years ago... I don't remember the pain being this bad.. Maybe I've blocked it out.. I just know that it hurts something awful right now. I'm guessing that it will eventually get better just not yet..