Today is the Anniversary of the day that Dad died... Nine years ago I just happened to be at Mom's when Steve called with the news that I never wanted to hear ever... Dad has had a heart attack and is at a hospital in Boston... you need to come.. Somehow I made it into Boston via the T and got to the hospital that Dad was at... Nine years later I still can remember being led into a small room by Steve and being told that Dad didn't make it... that our Dad was gone.. somehow we called Lee and told him and he was there so quickly... Nine years and it still hurts at times..
Today was tough for me.. thankfully the girls made it a slightly better day but that was after taking them to the library for Music time with my friend Meredith and after Lily had a total meltdown from the moment that we left the library till I got her home (we skipped daycare today) and held her for a while till she fell asleep and then melted down again as I tried to get her to take a nap in her crib and failed. I think somehow they knew that I needed them to make me laugh and smile today... and they did but it wasn't till they had been fed some dinner and I was eating mine. I could hear the laughing and giggling and it made me smile... I even got out the video camera and got some of the fun on film.. then later after they went to bed (easily I might add).. I pulled out the older tapes and watched a few and made notes on the contents so I know what is on the tapes that we have. It was nice to watch them and see how little they were then and to rewatch some of the firsts that we were able to record. I'll also admit that it was tough to watch too since there was some stuff that got recorded while the girls and I were at Mom's for a while. Stuff that I made sure to record for Lee's benefit since he wasn't there to see it first hand.
Still it amazes me that it's been 9 years. My therapist asked how things might be different for me if Dad was still around... it was an interesting question. I really couldn't even answer it even though it's something that I think about quite a bit. For all I know things could have been better but they also could have been much worse... it's probably the one thing that I don't want to know. I guess that's how it works out sometimes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment