I need a Rewind Button

Ugh... I wish I had known a few things before this mommy gig started... I so am wishing for a rewind button these days. Needless to say it's been rough here lately since BOTH girls have had their first colds (they share so well). Also with the economy being the way it is at the moment, I so wish that I had possibly tried to Nurse the girls. It's the weirdest feeling at times since I am so not a breastfeeding type person at all, yet those maternal instincts kick in (after the milk has totally dried up and is gone) and it feels so natural to want that closeness. Ok maybe it's that it would be the quickest and simpliest way to quiet the children when I don't want to prep or heat another bottle first thing in the morning or there is a baby screaming at me because I miscalculated the time since the last bottle and they are HUNGRY. I might have even enjoyed the experience.



I also really miss the Cheryl that was able to work (or even have a job) without having to hope that the stars align just right to get daycare figured out. Everyone keeps telling me that it gets better over time and that things will work out for us. That I'll find a job, that we'll eventually find a bigger place or be able to afford a house, that the economy will get better. I'm so tired all the time and feeling resentful of so many things and it's just not fair to the girls that their mom feels like a failure at times. It's not fair to Lee that I yell and get so emotional so easily lately which is not good for either of us or our relationship with each other. I wish that I'd planned better. Had something lined up for daycare somewhere and worked harder on the job thing and the place to live thing while I was still Pregnant. Instead I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed and I don't think that mixes well when I'm feeling depressed.



I guess I need to just keep plugging away (like Charlie Brown does) and live in the moment and just keep trying to survive one day, one hour or even one minute at a time.