I kind of forgot to make a post last night wishing the girls a good new school year so I'm a day late but it's okay..
Dear Anna,
Congratulations on having such a great first day in Second Grade. You did fantastic ! I'm so proud of the awesome day that you had. I wish we'd had more time to chat tonight about your day but it sounds like you had a great one. I know that Mr O and Mr Allwood will take great care of you this year and help you grow into the best person that you can be. Sorry about your shoes not fitting this morning.. those feet of yours just love to grow in between when we buy them and when you wear them. Next year remind me to get you the next size up just in case and to save the receipt.
I love you and know that you are going to be a Super Second grader this year.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Lily,
You rocked it baby girl ! Second Grade is great and the new teacher seems to be really nice. I know that you were feeling shy this morning when we met Miss Crowther but you did great at warming up to her quickly. I am so confident in you already. Also, how exciting to have Kelsey in your class this year since you haven't had her with you before. I can't wait to hear more about your days in 2C and all the things that you are learning. Don't forget that if needed, Miss Smith and Mrs Lehto are just down the hall and will help you when they can.
I love you so much as does Daddy (even though he's not here and that makes you sad sometimes).
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Halloween Fun 2014
We had such a great Halloween this year. I got to dress up for work as Dorothy and someone that I'm kind of sweet on told me that I looked great as Dorothy and tried to photobomb a picture of me that a co-worker was taking of me. Later on this person dressed up as a Gorilla and at first scared me but I eventually got used to it ( I have issues at Halloween when it comes to masks and Gorillas) and when I eventually went and got my kids so that they could do some Trick or Treating at my office, he was kind enough to let the girls see that there was a person under the mask and touch the various parts of the costume.
Later on we did some Trick or Treating in my old neighborhood from when I was growing up and it was so great to see some old friends that I don't get to see very often anymore and I gave the girls some leeway while going house to house. As long as they went to houses with a light on and stayed where I could easily see them, I had no problem with them acting like ping pong balls and running from house to house and joining various groups of kids as they gathered treats.
They made out like little bandits on the candy front and for the first time ever I weighed the haul and they did rather well with a total of about 11 pounds of candy. We should have enough to last us a small while now. I need to get rid of the stuff that I know we won't eat at all. Unless I can pawn some of it on unsuspecting friends and family.
The school Halloween Parade was totally awesome and great and I loved seeing all the kids in their costumes and the teachers in their grade level themed costumes. The First Grade Teachers were Super Heroes and so funny. Kindergarten teachers were a Very Hungry Caterpillar, Second Grade was characters from Strega Nona, Third Grade were Lincoln Cares Paws (stickers that the kids earn for various reasons that spell out the word Cares), Fourth grade teachers were Nerds and the Fifth Grade teachers were Minions from Despicable Me. The Front Staff were members of a Circus with the Principal as the RingMaster / Master of Ceremonies.
Later on we did some Trick or Treating in my old neighborhood from when I was growing up and it was so great to see some old friends that I don't get to see very often anymore and I gave the girls some leeway while going house to house. As long as they went to houses with a light on and stayed where I could easily see them, I had no problem with them acting like ping pong balls and running from house to house and joining various groups of kids as they gathered treats.
They made out like little bandits on the candy front and for the first time ever I weighed the haul and they did rather well with a total of about 11 pounds of candy. We should have enough to last us a small while now. I need to get rid of the stuff that I know we won't eat at all. Unless I can pawn some of it on unsuspecting friends and family.
The school Halloween Parade was totally awesome and great and I loved seeing all the kids in their costumes and the teachers in their grade level themed costumes. The First Grade Teachers were Super Heroes and so funny. Kindergarten teachers were a Very Hungry Caterpillar, Second Grade was characters from Strega Nona, Third Grade were Lincoln Cares Paws (stickers that the kids earn for various reasons that spell out the word Cares), Fourth grade teachers were Nerds and the Fifth Grade teachers were Minions from Despicable Me. The Front Staff were members of a Circus with the Principal as the RingMaster / Master of Ceremonies.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Minor Rambling about a Minor yet Major event
I happened to be in the elevator at work the other day and was chatting with someone about something and I think I mentioned the kids and then mentioned that I'd lost my husband 3 years ago and then paused and changed that to 3.5 years ago. Holy cannoli's (small people here are slowly learning to read and I must be better about my typing out bad words) how did that happen? How has it been 3.5 years? Sometimes it feels much much longer and other times it feels like I basically just lost Lee (time wise not emotion). When he first passed I marked every month... it's been a month, it's been 3 months. Oh wow 6 months. Now I barely notice that the 11th of the month is here again. Heck today is the 25th and I missed it by 2 weeks. Oh well.
So I have been growing and getting past a lot of my emotional baggage when it comes to Lee but at the same time I'm still sensitive when I tell people my reality and I think I frustrate and bewilder them when I laugh off their condolences now. People it's been 3.5 years that is 42 months. Am I supposed to be in mourning forever? I'm older, wiser, stronger and able to move on better now. I've got better stuff to do than to muddle my mind with grief when there is so much living to do. Lee wouldn't want me to be a puddle of grief for the rest of my days and it would be very sad commentary on my life if I let myself do that.
So I have been growing and getting past a lot of my emotional baggage when it comes to Lee but at the same time I'm still sensitive when I tell people my reality and I think I frustrate and bewilder them when I laugh off their condolences now. People it's been 3.5 years that is 42 months. Am I supposed to be in mourning forever? I'm older, wiser, stronger and able to move on better now. I've got better stuff to do than to muddle my mind with grief when there is so much living to do. Lee wouldn't want me to be a puddle of grief for the rest of my days and it would be very sad commentary on my life if I let myself do that.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Sing Me Home
So I bought and just started a new book. It's entitled Sing Me Home and it came out 3 years ago and I was told that it's a great book and I should read it. I kept forgetting about it and it was in Hardcover then and I try not to buy hardcovers since they can be $$$.
So fast forward to the other day and I was at Target looking for a birthday present for a school friend and decided I needed a new book.. so I grabbed it (in paperback less $). I'm barely one or two chapters in and I can tell that it's going to 1) take a while to read and 2) going to be a book that stays with me.
I'm glad that I'm reading it now and not 3 years ago.. I couldn't have handled it then. Heck I might not now either but I'm going to try.
It's about a music therapist and she's PG and loses the baby and ... i'm only 2 chapters in if that and I have no clue where it's going yet but I have an idea via the summary on the back. I think it will be good but there might be lots of wine with this one or music since it's hitting me on so many levels already.
In other news there's been so much happening here.
First grade is going great and I'm finding a balance between 2 classrooms and working and sending the girls to after school 2 days and having Grandma with them 3 days.
I've been doing great at my new position so far. Still not trained yet but that will happen. Working has turned out to have some extra benefits for me which I am liking so far and attempting to explore yet be careful about how I go about things. If there is news I'll share it but will keep things low for now since that is easier.
Lily has very recently lost her two front teeth. She looks adorable and I'm eagerly awaiting Anna to lose her teeth also.
Not sure what else to say or report so I guess I'll end here for now..
So fast forward to the other day and I was at Target looking for a birthday present for a school friend and decided I needed a new book.. so I grabbed it (in paperback less $). I'm barely one or two chapters in and I can tell that it's going to 1) take a while to read and 2) going to be a book that stays with me.
I'm glad that I'm reading it now and not 3 years ago.. I couldn't have handled it then. Heck I might not now either but I'm going to try.
It's about a music therapist and she's PG and loses the baby and ... i'm only 2 chapters in if that and I have no clue where it's going yet but I have an idea via the summary on the back. I think it will be good but there might be lots of wine with this one or music since it's hitting me on so many levels already.
In other news there's been so much happening here.
First grade is going great and I'm finding a balance between 2 classrooms and working and sending the girls to after school 2 days and having Grandma with them 3 days.
I've been doing great at my new position so far. Still not trained yet but that will happen. Working has turned out to have some extra benefits for me which I am liking so far and attempting to explore yet be careful about how I go about things. If there is news I'll share it but will keep things low for now since that is easier.
Lily has very recently lost her two front teeth. She looks adorable and I'm eagerly awaiting Anna to lose her teeth also.
Not sure what else to say or report so I guess I'll end here for now..
Monday, August 25, 2014
One last sleep
Argh... do you hear me screaming??? Do you???
I'm okay everyone.. just a Momma realizing that tonight is their last sleep at Kindergarten kids and in the morning they will morph into Big Kid First Graders. I should be ready.. I know what to expect.. we got through the whole going to Kindergarten thing last year with no battle scars. I should be okay with this. Why the heck am I not okay with this?
My babies are no longer my babies.. they are growing and starting to spread their wings and I feel a little lucky that tomorrow I actually get to somewhat follow them into the building though my destination is the Cafeteria which is where I will be waiting to greet the new Kindergarten parents and offer them a kind smile and some tissues along with a cup of coffee and some treats while they get to know their fellow Kindergarten parents before I go to work and get to sit and wonder about how their day is going and if they are behaving and hoping that I don't get a phone call on the first day (the record here is that I got a call on Day 2 of school last year). This year there are 2 classrooms to balance between and 2 teachers to get to know possibly very well. I have faith in them and their teachers.. we can do this.. we have done it before.
Quick little confession.. I hate doing this alone.. I hate that I have to do it alone.. First days are one of THOSE days for me.. I might need some hand holding tomorrow.. for now a quick couple of letters to the girls since I started doing it last year and I'm all about traditions and doing the same thing year after year.
Dear Anna,
You did it.. you made it to First Grade. I am sooo proud of you. I have faith that you will have a great year and will rock it like no one's business. Remember to listen to Miss Vergados and do what she asks you without having a fit or a tantrum. I'm looking forward to hearing about your first day and who is in your class this year. Remember that you will get to see Rosie and Amelia at lunch and recess and that they will probably miss you too. Use your words and be the great friend that I know you can be.
I love you.
Mommy
Dear Lily,
Guess what? You are a First Grader and yes I know that you are sad that you didn't get Mrs Lafferty for your teacher but I've heard awesome stuff about Miss Smith and know that you are with the best teacher we could ask for to be your teacher this year. I hope and know that you will have a great year as a First Grader. Keep being the awesome friend that you are and I'm looking forward to hearing about what you are learning this year and what you learned in just the first day. Just like Little Quack you can do anything once you decide to jump on in and make your SPLASH happen.
I love you bigger than the world..
Mommy
Okay folks indulge me one last letter...
Dear Lee,
Tomorrow is a big day. Our girls are becoming First Graders and I wish that you were here to see it happen in person. I'll have to settle for knowing that you will be there in spirit instead and in our hearts forever. We all miss you and think about you quite a bit. Not as much as when you first left us but know that you are missed the most on days like tomorrow that are First Days. Even though you aren't here you are still a big part of tomorrow. I wish that you could be there to hold my hand and tell me to calm down, that I have this, to breathe and to look at the girls and see that they are growing and thriving and doing so great because I am their mom and that they trust me to do the best I can for them and to protect them no matter what happens.
Thank you for making me the girls' mom and trusting that I would be able to do this alone and having the faith in me that you have always had in me to do this. If you didn't maybe you wouldn't have left us when and how you did. To quote a favorite book of yours and mine with a small bit of poetic license; I love you forever, I'll love you for always as long as I'm living my husband you'll be.
Cheryl
I'm okay everyone.. just a Momma realizing that tonight is their last sleep at Kindergarten kids and in the morning they will morph into Big Kid First Graders. I should be ready.. I know what to expect.. we got through the whole going to Kindergarten thing last year with no battle scars. I should be okay with this. Why the heck am I not okay with this?
My babies are no longer my babies.. they are growing and starting to spread their wings and I feel a little lucky that tomorrow I actually get to somewhat follow them into the building though my destination is the Cafeteria which is where I will be waiting to greet the new Kindergarten parents and offer them a kind smile and some tissues along with a cup of coffee and some treats while they get to know their fellow Kindergarten parents before I go to work and get to sit and wonder about how their day is going and if they are behaving and hoping that I don't get a phone call on the first day (the record here is that I got a call on Day 2 of school last year). This year there are 2 classrooms to balance between and 2 teachers to get to know possibly very well. I have faith in them and their teachers.. we can do this.. we have done it before.
Quick little confession.. I hate doing this alone.. I hate that I have to do it alone.. First days are one of THOSE days for me.. I might need some hand holding tomorrow.. for now a quick couple of letters to the girls since I started doing it last year and I'm all about traditions and doing the same thing year after year.
Dear Anna,
You did it.. you made it to First Grade. I am sooo proud of you. I have faith that you will have a great year and will rock it like no one's business. Remember to listen to Miss Vergados and do what she asks you without having a fit or a tantrum. I'm looking forward to hearing about your first day and who is in your class this year. Remember that you will get to see Rosie and Amelia at lunch and recess and that they will probably miss you too. Use your words and be the great friend that I know you can be.
I love you.
Mommy
Dear Lily,
Guess what? You are a First Grader and yes I know that you are sad that you didn't get Mrs Lafferty for your teacher but I've heard awesome stuff about Miss Smith and know that you are with the best teacher we could ask for to be your teacher this year. I hope and know that you will have a great year as a First Grader. Keep being the awesome friend that you are and I'm looking forward to hearing about what you are learning this year and what you learned in just the first day. Just like Little Quack you can do anything once you decide to jump on in and make your SPLASH happen.
I love you bigger than the world..
Mommy
Okay folks indulge me one last letter...
Dear Lee,
Tomorrow is a big day. Our girls are becoming First Graders and I wish that you were here to see it happen in person. I'll have to settle for knowing that you will be there in spirit instead and in our hearts forever. We all miss you and think about you quite a bit. Not as much as when you first left us but know that you are missed the most on days like tomorrow that are First Days. Even though you aren't here you are still a big part of tomorrow. I wish that you could be there to hold my hand and tell me to calm down, that I have this, to breathe and to look at the girls and see that they are growing and thriving and doing so great because I am their mom and that they trust me to do the best I can for them and to protect them no matter what happens.
Thank you for making me the girls' mom and trusting that I would be able to do this alone and having the faith in me that you have always had in me to do this. If you didn't maybe you wouldn't have left us when and how you did. To quote a favorite book of yours and mine with a small bit of poetic license; I love you forever, I'll love you for always as long as I'm living my husband you'll be.
Cheryl
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Confession time
I don't even know where to begin.... I met someone about 2 months ago on a dating site.. we seemed to click online and just couldn't make the connection to actually meet till I happened to score 2 tickets to see Michael Buble in Mid July. So I asked and this person was my date for the concert and damn it.. we clicked really well in person too. Oh how we clicked. Unfortunately I made a mistake and it has seemed to have cost me quite a bit when it comes to this relationship since he couldn't seem to basically get over what happened. Yet at the same time I can't seem to stop thinking about this person and damn it, I still want this person in my life and if I'm being honest with myself, I want him want him. Yup, Miss Somewhat Independent is basically falling hard yet again.
Today while in Rockport and playing on the beach I kept wondering to myself what it would have been like to bring this person with me today instead of my mom or my kids. Would my day have been better overall because that person was with me or would I have regretted sharing my hideaway from the world? My one spot where I feel untouchable and that I can go to when the world is about to basically explode in my face. Even as I wandered around my favorite shops in Bearskin Neck I kept imagining this person with me and wondering if he would fall in love with this little spot as much as I have over the years.
Rockport is and always will be my special place. I feel totally at home there and just being there can usually calm me down when I need a bit of respite from the world. If I hadn't just been there today I would totally jump into my car and go back tomorrow and bring him with me because I think he needs a little Rockport magic in his life too.
Since I seem to be typing a bit randomly tonight I'll confess that I am seeing so many similarities between this person and Lee. They both seem to be down on their luck, having a hard time in life and I'm not sure if I'm trying to rectify what happened with Lee but I feel drawn to this person and I want to help. Not with money because 1. I don't have it to give and 2. I highly doubt he'd let me do that anyway. I guess I want to help him basically feel better about himself and quietly nurture him back to having confidence in himself and his abilities again. I wish I had more information about what makes this guy tick and why he had such a reaction to what I said and when I said it. Maybe I remind him of someone else like he reminds me of Lee and it makes him feel similar to what I am feeling. Maybe I'm just overthinking this or maybe I do want to make up for what happened with Lee though Lee's problems were deeper and he was already too far gone by the time I was a major part of his life yet sometimes I wonder if I could have done more and possibly saved him from himself. I'll never know and maybe these thoughts are best saved for chatting with my therapist.
Today while in Rockport and playing on the beach I kept wondering to myself what it would have been like to bring this person with me today instead of my mom or my kids. Would my day have been better overall because that person was with me or would I have regretted sharing my hideaway from the world? My one spot where I feel untouchable and that I can go to when the world is about to basically explode in my face. Even as I wandered around my favorite shops in Bearskin Neck I kept imagining this person with me and wondering if he would fall in love with this little spot as much as I have over the years.
Rockport is and always will be my special place. I feel totally at home there and just being there can usually calm me down when I need a bit of respite from the world. If I hadn't just been there today I would totally jump into my car and go back tomorrow and bring him with me because I think he needs a little Rockport magic in his life too.
Since I seem to be typing a bit randomly tonight I'll confess that I am seeing so many similarities between this person and Lee. They both seem to be down on their luck, having a hard time in life and I'm not sure if I'm trying to rectify what happened with Lee but I feel drawn to this person and I want to help. Not with money because 1. I don't have it to give and 2. I highly doubt he'd let me do that anyway. I guess I want to help him basically feel better about himself and quietly nurture him back to having confidence in himself and his abilities again. I wish I had more information about what makes this guy tick and why he had such a reaction to what I said and when I said it. Maybe I remind him of someone else like he reminds me of Lee and it makes him feel similar to what I am feeling. Maybe I'm just overthinking this or maybe I do want to make up for what happened with Lee though Lee's problems were deeper and he was already too far gone by the time I was a major part of his life yet sometimes I wonder if I could have done more and possibly saved him from himself. I'll never know and maybe these thoughts are best saved for chatting with my therapist.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Seven days
Seven more days... that is my mantra... In seven more days the girls head back to school as First Graders. Unlike last year I know what to expect. I'm ready. Okay maybe I'm not exactly ready... I decided at the end of the Kindergarten year to basically split the girls for First Grade and I'm a little nervous about it still. They will be fine. I will be fine but I so reserve the right to be nervous about it. I've sent emails to the teachers and the interim principal telling them how our summer went and I also took the girls by the school for a quick visit with their new teachers (the rooms are connected by a door thankfully) on the 18th.
They both liked getting the chance to get a peek at the new rooms and to meet their teachers. Anna must have been on the "I must impress this teacher" kick since she found and asked if she could read a book while we were there. She read a total of 3 books while the teacher and I chatted one each from the three levels that they will be reading in First Grade (Red , Blue and Green). Red are the beginning of the year level books, Blue is Mid Year level and Green is End of the year level books. The teacher might have to find some new material for Anna though she told me that the ones she picked were the easiest of each level and they get harder the further back they go in the piles. To further impress me, Anna asked to take her Magic Rainbow book series with us today to Rockport and the girl read silently to herself in the car. Only 8 or 9 pages out of 65 pages but she is doing it. Lee would be so proud. Heck I was feeling pretty proud too.
I took this week off of work so I could spend it with my girls and so far it's been a great decision and one that I think I will attempt to do every school year at least through Fifth grade or they get to be too cool to hang out with me.
Our trip to Rockport today was fun but I didn't truly get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do mostly because my mom decided to tag along at the last moment and tried to ruin what should have been a truly awesome day for me. I'm not going into it because it isn't appropriate for here but I was so mad and upset in the moment and it took quite a bit of restraint to be the role model I needed to be and to not show my girls how truly upset I was about the stupid stuff that my mom said and did today. I guess turning Forty is going to totally mature me in ways that I never dreamed it would. Good thing I bought a pound of fudge...
They both liked getting the chance to get a peek at the new rooms and to meet their teachers. Anna must have been on the "I must impress this teacher" kick since she found and asked if she could read a book while we were there. She read a total of 3 books while the teacher and I chatted one each from the three levels that they will be reading in First Grade (Red , Blue and Green). Red are the beginning of the year level books, Blue is Mid Year level and Green is End of the year level books. The teacher might have to find some new material for Anna though she told me that the ones she picked were the easiest of each level and they get harder the further back they go in the piles. To further impress me, Anna asked to take her Magic Rainbow book series with us today to Rockport and the girl read silently to herself in the car. Only 8 or 9 pages out of 65 pages but she is doing it. Lee would be so proud. Heck I was feeling pretty proud too.
I took this week off of work so I could spend it with my girls and so far it's been a great decision and one that I think I will attempt to do every school year at least through Fifth grade or they get to be too cool to hang out with me.
Our trip to Rockport today was fun but I didn't truly get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do mostly because my mom decided to tag along at the last moment and tried to ruin what should have been a truly awesome day for me. I'm not going into it because it isn't appropriate for here but I was so mad and upset in the moment and it took quite a bit of restraint to be the role model I needed to be and to not show my girls how truly upset I was about the stupid stuff that my mom said and did today. I guess turning Forty is going to totally mature me in ways that I never dreamed it would. Good thing I bought a pound of fudge...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
