Musings of Late

It's just about Christmas Eve as I type... and I swear that I'm heading to bed really soon.. but I just wanted to take a moment to blog since I doubt that I'll be around for the next couple of days online...

I've been missing our special someone lately quite a bit... and I'm doing ok but I have to admit that this year Christmas is not as much fun as the past couple of years.. Lee's not here to share it and see the reactions that the girls are having this year.. They are so into Christmas this year.. they are loving the Portable North Pole Santa videos that I made for them.. I think they replayed them at least 2x each just tonight.. I so wish that Lee were here to help me with all the sneaking around and some assembly required items that have found their way under our tree this year. It's going to be a great Christmas no matter what.. and there will probably be a few tears shed at some point.. and I really hope that my family understands that the tears that come are to be expected because of this year's circumstances..

I doubt that I've been forgotten this year but the doubt is still there that I will be forgotten this year... Lee was always great about making sure that there were a couple of things for me under our tree. This year there were no secret packages from Amazon arriving or warnings to not look at my Amazon gift list so I'd by mistake see what I was getting before Christmas arrived.

Time for me to climb into bed and hope that the next few days go well for us...

Beginning to feel like Christmas

It's feeling like Christmas here lately.. the tree is up and decorated by my very in demand decorators. They did a fabulous job though most of the decorations are at their height rather than mine and in between.. I moved a few around after we were done (don't tell them).. Holiday cards are flooding our mailbox almost everyday now. I've been hanging them up as they come on our living room wall so we can see and enjoy them everyday.

Snow has not arrived yet but I'm not looking forward to that yet... it would be nice to have some though for Christmas Day..

Work at the toystore is getting busier again... I love this time of year at the shop.. I love helping people figure out what to get the kids in their lives. I also like seeing the kids that come in and picking out all the new things that they would like to have Santa get them.

I discovered Pandora.com on the computer (via work so that we could play Christmas music).. so I've been enjoying Christmas music here at home (when Anna doesn't shut it off). I like that you can skip songs that you don't want to hear and rate songs (like and don't like) and get lots of options.. I've even put on some kid music stations for the girls.

Christmas is Coming

and I have one child just about Potty Trained... and one that is trying to make an effort to be potty trained. So I am grateful for that... I also have finished my sock that I was working on.. so now I'm trying to turn my efforts to the blankets that I started some time ago and have been ignoring lately.

Our tree is up and has lights but no decorations yet... I'll get to it soon. Hopefully within the next week.

In Memory of Shirley

My MIL , Lee's mom passed away on Wednesday early in the morning.. It was totally expected but I was hoping to get to the end of this year without another loss especially after losing Lee.


My memories of her are mostly good.. I knew her for just over 18 years and met her for the first time after Lee and I had been dating for just over 2 years at her 50th Wedding Anniversary. Before that we had chatted on the phone every so often when I was at Lee's and he happened to be calling his parents. Four years later she and Lee's Dad (Walter) came out for our wedding and Lee had me call their room the next morning.. Shirley happened to answer the phone and I said "Good Morning Mrs Ringen. It's Mrs Ringen calling" (Lee's idea). Three months later we went out to California for a visit (ok our Honeymoon) and she asked if I liked to eat Cantaloupe. I do like it... but not everyday.. which is what Shirley did.. each morning there was a slice of cantaloupe waiting for me at the breakfast table.. after a few days I asked why she kept serving it as part of Breakfast. She replied that she thought I liked it.. which I did.. but not in the amount that I was eating. Years later I still eat Cantaloupe but I have a private giggle when I do.


In 2005 she became a widow when after 60 years of marriage, Walter died. Lee and I went out for the Memorial and Funeral and stayed at the Assisted Living Complex. I wound up going up to her room each morning before the nurses could get to her room and help her finish dressing.. It wasn't much but it helped her and I think that she liked that I was able to help her in that way.


When she moved to Southern California we went and visited her again (we stayed with her son Alan and his wife Debbie). We had a nice visit and went back again to see her and brought the girls with us in 2010. This would be the last time that Lee and his Mom would see each other and the only time that the girls would get to meet their Grandma Ringen.


Now that she is gone, the girls have only one Grandparent left (my own Dad died in 2001).. I'll be heading out to California sometime soon to say my final goodbyes to a woman who was a fabulous mother, loved her children immensely and let them be their own people. Lee (according to what he had told me) didn't get a degree from college..He went to the school of hard knocks for a majority of his life and Shirley had always told him that if we ever found a window or bumper sticker that said "School of Hard Knocks" she'd be proud to display it on her car to go with Alan's MIT sticker anytime... That's a really great and special mom.. I will miss her very much...

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've really good this year and I have a request.. you probably can't fill it but I'm going to ask anyway. Could you please bring Lee back? The girls and I miss him so much. The holidays aren't going to be the same ever again and it would be the best surprise ever if he came back. With your help I know that I can make sure that the girls have a great Christmas (their first without their Daddy here). Could you please make mine just as good ??? I don't require much... just some love and understanding to get me through. A sign from Lee that I'm not screwing up our kids too much. That I'm doing what he would want me to do.

Thank you hopefully in advance..

Cheryl

Some Updates..mostly good

Halloween is OVER.... Hooray... though we are still right in the middle of the princess obsession and seem to be watching Cinderella as much as possible lately. Thankfully I love the Cinderella story and will watch it willingly as many times as they want..

Lily (Cinderella) and Anna (Snow White)

In other news... I'm back to knitting on my socks.. I have turned the heel and picked up stitches and even gotten the Gusset finished and am now working on the foot. I'm almost done with these socks.. I want and need to move on to a new project. Definitely not socks though. I need a sock break. Maybe I'll try to figure out Shirley's sweater that I inherited last year or work on a secret project for a relative of mine that asked. Or work on my blankets that I started quite some time ago and have not finished yet..

Trying to be Postive

I feel like lately all I post about are things that get me down or are depressing. I need to change that. But sometimes it's hard to be positive. I see so many other families and think why us.. why not them? Why do they get to be whole and happy? Why didn't we get to have Lee for the next 20+ years? Why when the girls are still so little? Why not have this happen when they were old enough to understand better? I feel like I keep trying and failing to be a good mother. Maybe my expectations are too high. I'm far from perfect and don't exactly strive to be but I wish I had more patience with them at times.



I feel the need to be more positive. The girls do keep me laughing and smiling with their antics and comments. I love hearing their versions of stories. Anna impresses me so much at times. The other night I heard her reading one of the alphabet books to herself and she did a great job naming most of the animals in it (and some of them I'm not very familiar with either). She's also great at singing to herself and making up songs. Lily loves her firetrucks and babies with a passion. Both of them lately love to sing to the stars at night.. a sweet rendition of Twinkle Twinkle that is so cute.

Halloween should be fun this year since they are so into wearing their costumes and the whole idea of trick or treating. I can't wait..