In Memory of Shirley

My MIL , Lee's mom passed away on Wednesday early in the morning.. It was totally expected but I was hoping to get to the end of this year without another loss especially after losing Lee.


My memories of her are mostly good.. I knew her for just over 18 years and met her for the first time after Lee and I had been dating for just over 2 years at her 50th Wedding Anniversary. Before that we had chatted on the phone every so often when I was at Lee's and he happened to be calling his parents. Four years later she and Lee's Dad (Walter) came out for our wedding and Lee had me call their room the next morning.. Shirley happened to answer the phone and I said "Good Morning Mrs Ringen. It's Mrs Ringen calling" (Lee's idea). Three months later we went out to California for a visit (ok our Honeymoon) and she asked if I liked to eat Cantaloupe. I do like it... but not everyday.. which is what Shirley did.. each morning there was a slice of cantaloupe waiting for me at the breakfast table.. after a few days I asked why she kept serving it as part of Breakfast. She replied that she thought I liked it.. which I did.. but not in the amount that I was eating. Years later I still eat Cantaloupe but I have a private giggle when I do.


In 2005 she became a widow when after 60 years of marriage, Walter died. Lee and I went out for the Memorial and Funeral and stayed at the Assisted Living Complex. I wound up going up to her room each morning before the nurses could get to her room and help her finish dressing.. It wasn't much but it helped her and I think that she liked that I was able to help her in that way.


When she moved to Southern California we went and visited her again (we stayed with her son Alan and his wife Debbie). We had a nice visit and went back again to see her and brought the girls with us in 2010. This would be the last time that Lee and his Mom would see each other and the only time that the girls would get to meet their Grandma Ringen.


Now that she is gone, the girls have only one Grandparent left (my own Dad died in 2001).. I'll be heading out to California sometime soon to say my final goodbyes to a woman who was a fabulous mother, loved her children immensely and let them be their own people. Lee (according to what he had told me) didn't get a degree from college..He went to the school of hard knocks for a majority of his life and Shirley had always told him that if we ever found a window or bumper sticker that said "School of Hard Knocks" she'd be proud to display it on her car to go with Alan's MIT sticker anytime... That's a really great and special mom.. I will miss her very much...

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've really good this year and I have a request.. you probably can't fill it but I'm going to ask anyway. Could you please bring Lee back? The girls and I miss him so much. The holidays aren't going to be the same ever again and it would be the best surprise ever if he came back. With your help I know that I can make sure that the girls have a great Christmas (their first without their Daddy here). Could you please make mine just as good ??? I don't require much... just some love and understanding to get me through. A sign from Lee that I'm not screwing up our kids too much. That I'm doing what he would want me to do.

Thank you hopefully in advance..

Cheryl

Some Updates..mostly good

Halloween is OVER.... Hooray... though we are still right in the middle of the princess obsession and seem to be watching Cinderella as much as possible lately. Thankfully I love the Cinderella story and will watch it willingly as many times as they want..

Lily (Cinderella) and Anna (Snow White)

In other news... I'm back to knitting on my socks.. I have turned the heel and picked up stitches and even gotten the Gusset finished and am now working on the foot. I'm almost done with these socks.. I want and need to move on to a new project. Definitely not socks though. I need a sock break. Maybe I'll try to figure out Shirley's sweater that I inherited last year or work on a secret project for a relative of mine that asked. Or work on my blankets that I started quite some time ago and have not finished yet..

Trying to be Postive

I feel like lately all I post about are things that get me down or are depressing. I need to change that. But sometimes it's hard to be positive. I see so many other families and think why us.. why not them? Why do they get to be whole and happy? Why didn't we get to have Lee for the next 20+ years? Why when the girls are still so little? Why not have this happen when they were old enough to understand better? I feel like I keep trying and failing to be a good mother. Maybe my expectations are too high. I'm far from perfect and don't exactly strive to be but I wish I had more patience with them at times.



I feel the need to be more positive. The girls do keep me laughing and smiling with their antics and comments. I love hearing their versions of stories. Anna impresses me so much at times. The other night I heard her reading one of the alphabet books to herself and she did a great job naming most of the animals in it (and some of them I'm not very familiar with either). She's also great at singing to herself and making up songs. Lily loves her firetrucks and babies with a passion. Both of them lately love to sing to the stars at night.. a sweet rendition of Twinkle Twinkle that is so cute.

Halloween should be fun this year since they are so into wearing their costumes and the whole idea of trick or treating. I can't wait..

Six Months later

Hard to believe that it has been 6 months since Lee passed away.. As I said to someone this past week, sometimes it feels like longer and other times it feels like it was almost yesterday that he died. I also realized something though, I'm actually surviving. I'm doing ok. I don't breakdown as much anymore. I have my moments but they are getting better. I miss Lee with all my heart and wish that he were still here but I'm doing ok and know that I will be ok in the future.

Our minister recently gave me some pictures that she had taken when the girls saw Lee for the last time at the hospital. They were painful to look at the first couple of times but I can look at them now and see all sorts of love in them between the girls and Lee. Lily saw me loading them on the computer and remarked "I miss Daddy".

Anna has been asking to draw pictures of our family lately with just Mommy, Anna and Lily. It's not as heartbreaking as it was when I saw her first Family drawing without Daddy in it. It's our new reality.

One Year ago....

It doesn't seem possible that...

one year ago I had a healthy husband, 2 year old twins and was heading to California to go and visit Lee's mom, brother and SIL.


One year ago we visited with and videoed Lee's mom with our girls.


One year ago I was thinking about how great it was that the girls were finally getting to meet their Grandma Ringen.


One year ago we took the girls on an hour's walk around my BIL's neighborhood to help tire them out for a nap.


One year ago the girls rode the merry go round for the first and second time and loved it.


One year ago Lee was not looking forward to saying goodbye to his mom since he was afraid that it would be the last time that he would see her alive.


One year ago I would have never thought that I would lose my husband.

A small announcement

No I'm not shutting myself down.... I have too much to say... but this is my 300th post on here and I don't want to waste it on mundane stuff.. My SIL and BIL were here today to see the kids and I while they are on this coast doing some visiting. Debbie mentioned that a widow she knows would write in a journal to and about her husband. I liked that idea.. so I'm adopting it.. I'm thinking once a week will be my day to write the blog as a letter to Lee about what is going on around here.. what the girls are doing, how we are coping.. I might do it the old fashioned way (paper and pen) but I like the thought of doing it electronically. I'll see how it feels and go from there.

The girls and I are heading to the cemetary this weekend for the first time together. There is a ceremony for the families of those that have been buried over the past year on Saturday morning. I figured it might be the best timing for bringing the girls up there. I'm hoping that it goes ok.. I'm hoping that I keep it somewhat together.. If anyone knows how to explain where I am taking the girls before Saturday please let me know.. I need all the advice I can muster..